What I Loved In October!

I don't know how this happened, but I blinked and October was over. This month was even worse than September! There's something about the tumultuous nature of the last three months of the year - preparing for Halloween, planning for Thanksgiving, picking out the perfect gifts for Christmas - that makes it all pass in a whirlwind.

That's why I'm soooo glad that I'm blogging again, so I can try to keep track of all these little moments and details. Like my favoriteeeee:

Books
I got really into poetry again this month, with the re-discovery of my Kindle which had several poetry books downloaded onto it! My favorite by far was salt, by Nayirrah Waheed I guarantee you've heard at least one iconic poem from this moving collection, but it's worth it to sit down and read the entire thing cover to cover. I highlighted so many poems, I feel like I need to go back and read it all again.

Podcasts
A major reason that I survive my commute to and from work is a variety of podcasts. I've been loving Ghost of a Podcast, which bridges astrology, life advice, and social justice with no bullshit! Jessica Lanyadoo is a bad bitch/witch and it comes out every Sunday so that you can have an idea of what the cosmos has in store for your week.

Show/Movie
Honestly, The Voice. I am a sucker for a reality competition show, and now that Big Brother and The Bachelor are over (for now), I am committed to this show. I love the judges (Kelly Clarkson is adorable) and the talent in un-freaking-belieavable. The difference between The Voice and American Idol is ridiculous. If you think American Idol is whack (which I do), give this show a chance. The tears will roll.

Music
This has been a month of lots of musical discoveries. My taste is all over the place, so these are just a few. Maggie Rogers is a goddess. I recommend her songs Alaska, Dog Years, Light On, and Fallingwater. Or just all of them. I was supposed to go see her this weekend in Portland but it got moved to March because she booked SNL!

Shakey Graves is more rock/folk with the sickest guitar skills. I haven't listened to much of his music, but my favorite song so far is Roll The Bones. It's great driving music for this season.

And lastly, Gregory Alan Isakov has the most soothing folky, autumnal music. His song, Big Black Car, will always evoke so much nostalgia in me because that was the first song I danced to for dance company auditions back when I was a freshman in college!

Life hack
Using coconut oil spray as body lotion and a leave-in (then wash-out) hair treatment. I heard this on a podcast recently and my mind was utterly blown that I hadn't thought of it myself.

Costume Theme 
Soooo all of the high school staff at my school decided to be Harry Potter characters for Halloween this year (my idea). I think I made a pretty great Professor Trelawney with an entire costume found at Goodwill.Umbridge walked around scolding children and writing educational decrees, and Gilderoy Lockhart gave out autographed headshots to anyone who asked (or didn't ask).  It pretty much made my wildest dreams come true.

Have a spooky Halloween & a great first day of November tomorrow!

Sunday Coffee Date.

Good morning! 

It's a beautiful and chilly fall Sunday after yesterday's downpour. I seriously did not step foot out of my parents house yesterday. All of us were exhausted from staying up late on Friday night; me because I went to a Halloween party at my friend's house, and my parents because they were up until 3 in the morning watching the Red Sox game which went to 18 innings! 

So yesterday, we had the laziest of days. Watching lots of college football with my dad, catching my mom up on the The Voice, and having a movie night with both of my parents watching "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". So you think I act like a toddler when I'm home visiting my parents? You're not wrong!

This is Sunday coffee date: Confessions Edition. Because I just feel like being honest about where I'm at and getting some things off my chest. That life is fine, but it's also been really challenging lately. And here are some reasons why:

I haven't been working out as often as I should. I'm always really hard on myself about keeping a workout schedule, and starting my new job tutoring last week had my whole schedule messed up. Now I know that I'm tutoring Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I need to commit myself to hit my fav workout classes Monday, Wednesday, & Saturday morning at the very least. I can immediately tell when my body is pissed at me for not moving it and getting those endorphins, so I am really feeling this lapse in working out in my physical and mental health!

My new job makes it essential for me to have a tidy email inbox. This is such a small thing, but my inbox is a disaster! I have so many emails from random companies that I need to unsubscribe from. It makes me feel so disorganized when I have an email from one of my new supervisors and I need to scroll endlessly through emails that I've never opened and never will open. I have 5,000 that I need to delete and I know other people are much worse, but boy do I need to dedicate some time to this!

Feelings of self-worth are low at the moment. I know this has a lot to do with my seasonal affective disorder. But lately I have been telling myself some very negative thoughts about how nobody will ever love me, and I need to cut that shit out! I always read self-help type pish posh about how you should never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend. This is IMPORTANT to remember when I get in a negative thought spiral.

Procrastination is a symptom of anxiety. I have been procrastinating emailing my professors and asking them for recommendation letters because I am soooooo anxious about everything that has to do with grad school in general. Again, running through the list of self-doubt in my mind: Is this finally the right program?? Will I regret applying again?? What if I end up hating school counseling?? But one of my co-workers who just graduated with her degree in school counseling last year, put it into perspective for me. You just NEED TO DO IT! Get it over with. Bite the bullet. Once you have the degree, congrats, you have your Masters and you're 100% marketable then you are right now. That's what she said to me during happy hour as I chugged a spiked cider while sweating profusely as I thought about applying to grad school. But she's right, and time is running out, and I need to do it.

Happy Sunday, anyone reading this. I hope you're feeling refreshed, relaxed, and ready to take on the week!

When Something Just Doesn't Feel Right

Today I'm writing from the desk where I sit each day during school hours, except all the kids are gone and school hours are over.

I'm writing here because school gets out at 3pm and I have to shadow a study session in Newton at 5pm for the new job I just got! As of Thursday (because that's when I start tutoring solo) I will officially be a fancy shmancy executive functioning tutor!

This is actually my favorite part of working with my students, and a huge part of why I realize I want to get my Masters in School Counseling. In my opinion, everyone has executive functioning deficits but that is another long post for another day! Today I'm here to write about things that just don’t feel right.

Once you get out of the school system, finish up high school and get that college degree, there are literally so many options. And it never fails to blow my mind how most people (unmarried, without kids, without more difficult life circumstances) have the ability to just completely change their life if they want to. Its almost like being drunk with power. You are so powerful in the control room of your life. So am I!

But sometimes it doesn't feel like that. Sometimes you feel trapped or cornered or bullied or compliant in a situation that just doesn't feel right. Maybe there's nothing obviously wrong about it. Your relationship is... okay. Your job is... okay. Your apartment is... okay.

But these major components of your life are not sparking joy. They might drain you - mentally, emotionally, physically. And I'm telling you that I'm right there with you and its going to be okay. Because the beauty about life is that nothing lasts forever, neither good or bad or just mediocre.

Often the first step to change is recognizing that you are unhappy. So if something just doesn't feel right, and maybe you cant explain it, run with that. Try to unpack it. Journal it out. Figure out what the soul suck is and figure out measurable, reasonable, realistic steps that you can take to change it!

That's what I'll be doing. 

Currently Loving + New Moon Mantra

{image via http://www.thehoodwitch.com/blog/2015/10/11/new-moon-in-libra}

Good morning! 

Today I'm writing from the couch of my parents house as my dad warms his feet with an electric heater. Yesterday was 82 degrees and we were all wearing shorts, so this is only a bit confusing.

As this first week of October wraps up (I am obsessed with having today off, as it's Columbus Day weekend!) I thought I'd drop a couple nuggets of joy that I've been loving on this past week. I also love looking back on these to remind myself of them at times I'm feeling uninspired or stuck.

Nikki Vegan
This Youtuber dropped into my recommended section and I am soooo grateful for that algorithm. Her videos are unbelievably relaxing and somehow have the coziest vibe to them. Her studio apartment kitchen is adorable but also functional and realistic and her recipes are easy, affordable, and look delicious! I'm not 100% vegan at the moment, but I'm pretty close, and I want to try literally everything she makes. I plan to binge watch about 50 of her videos later this afternoon, before my drive back to Massachusetts.

Small Town Murder podcast
This is the podcast that has been getting me through my long drives and annoying morning commutes. The guys on this podcast are comedians, so if you don't think true crime and comedy should ever mix, it's probably not for you. However, they never make fun of the victims or the victims families (because they're assholes, not scumbags!), more so they rip on the small-town-ness of the majority of these cases and it is so. funny. 

Real Simple magazine
I was walking through the grocery store with my mom yesterday and just had to pick up this magazine. There is something so serene and inspiring about the minimalist design of it's pages. Not to mention this issue had tips for organizing, relaxing, and fall decorating - three of my favorite things.

Cleaning out spaces
I was inspired, upon returning to my parents house, to tackle one of my monthly to-dos and make my old room here more livable. My parents had been using it as a storage space, so I remedied that real quick by transferring a bunch of random objects to their basement. A new duvet cover, freshly washed sheets, and general tidying has made it a much more refreshing space to come home to when I visit Connecticut. Now if only I can transfer this cleaning inspo to my apartment!

Journaling
I haven't physically written in a journal in a while, and while cleaning out my old bedroom I stumbled upon my journal from 2017. Re-reading it start to finish was enlightening. I can't believe I failed to keep a journal in 2018! Obviously I went straight to Barnes & Noble and found an adorable journal hand-crafted in India that I hope to fill with the few remaining bits of this year, and commit to documenting all of next year. It really is wild to look back on my shifting perspectives through the months, and I look forward to being able to do that again!

And lastly... New moon in Libra energy. The new moon is always all about setting up intentions that you want to focus on and grow throughout the moon cycle. As the moon becomes full, the hope is that your intentions will also come to fruition! My new moon mantra, according The Numinous on Girlboss is:

When I commit to clear seeing, I can see my legacy.

This is all about seeing a clear vision of my professional future, and getting out of auto-pilot in my daily activities and habits in order to make conscious and intentional choices that will aid me in pursuit of my dreams. I can get on board with that.

Have a beautiful second week of October. 

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September's Little Moments

I think that it's really easy to lose track of a month. It's really easy to feel like a month just flew by, not much happened, you worked and slept and ate, repeat. And that's why I think it's important to go back and remember the little moments, fun times with friends, and things that you may have forgotten about!

September felt like it flew by. But then again, when I was scrolling back through these photos, my adventures from September 1st feel like they were so long ago. How does this happen!?

Let's take a look...

On September 1st, my good friend Alicia and I decided to start our month off with a bang by conquering a 4,000 footer in New Hampshire! It was my first real, big girl hike in New Hampshire and I was pumped! Alicia is the pro-hiker of the two of us, and boy did that show on the way to this summit. I was huffing and puffing and struggling big time. But I made it to the top of Mt. Zealand, crossing parts of the Appalachian Trail, and I was very proud of myself!

I visited Castle Island in Boston, MA for the first time & took a tour of the fort! It was a gorgeous day in early September and I met my friend Mary-Cate and her family friends for a little get together at Castle Island in the shady, grassy picnic areas. Alicia came with me and we ended up taking a tour of the inside of the fort! It was cool to see the real cannons and views from the top of the walls of the fort, as well as to hear our knowledgeable guide giving us all of the Revolutionary War history!

I ended up going home to Connecticut two weekends this month! The first one was filled with events and fun activities. I went to the Hebron Fair with Courtney, Melissa, & Jared! It was so fun, especially since I wasn't able to make it to the Big E this year! I got my fried oreos/Reese's and we escaped from the hoards of teenagers into the beer garden! Teenagers are kind of scary these days, man. Maybe it's only when they move in packs. We forked up the ridiculous money for tickets on the rides and went on the Ferris wheel and this spinning ride that they have at the Big E too that I go on every year! 

That Sunday I had Adriana's 2nd birthday party and the dance studio cookout. The weather was kind of cold/cloudy but I still had fun seeing all of my hometown friends! We drank wine by the fire, talked all things astrology (well, I did...) and toasted vegan marshmallows! 

I went to Salem! The first time I went to Salem was super overwhelming because it was Halloween weekend. But it's spooky even in September! I got my friend a birthday gift from this amazing store called Hauswitch. The gift is a spell (literally a spell, crafted by a coven of witches in Salem!) to clear your home and re-energize it. I love that stuff! We walked around, going into bookstores and apothecaries galore. We stopped by the memorial for those hanged during the Salem Witch Trials and looked up some of the victim's stories. My school is going on a field trip there next month, so I'll be getting even more history on a tour when we go! 

I helped my friend, Alicia, celebrate her 26th birthday! She has had such a tough year - she recently decided to leave her husband and is in the process of getting a divorce. But man, she is one of the strongest ladies I know! She had a gift card to a fancy restaurant in the North End, so SHE took ME out for her birthday hahahah. I got probably the most delicious pesto tortellini I've ever had, and then I treated her to some gelato. The hazlenut flavor was to die for. 

My poor mama got a hip replacement! I went home to Connecticut to help take care of her during a Friday that my dad had to work right after her surgery. It was so nice to be able to come home, hang out with her, and help brighten her day. Especially since she had been soooo nervous about having this surgery. 

This was quite a busy weekend! On Friday night I went to Alaina's house with Shawn and Melissa for her birthday bonfire. Then on Saturday I went with Shawn and Melissa to Lyman Orchards to fully immerse ourselves in fall since this was on the first day of autumn! We got lost in a corn maze, drank cider in the fields, and gorged ourselves on apple crisp!

These crazy friends of mine then convinced me to go to Mohegan Sun to further celebrate Alaina's birthday! Shawn and I ran around town like chickens with our heads cut off trying to find appropriate going out clothes for me since I did NOT bring any! It was stressful but Mohegan was fun! I danced despite my feet literally bleeding in cheap heels and did not have a drop of alcohol because a) I'm poor and b) I was so hungover the previous weekend from going to my coworker's band's show that I was traumatized to drink again. YAY!

This last weekend of the month was another basic fall bitches dream. Alicia and I went to Brooksby Farm in Peabody to get out the city and into an apple orchard. We each picked a peck of apples, got apple cider donuts, apple cider, and different kinds of fudge! I tried some pumpkin fudge and it was actually delicious. 

Wow! When I look at my month like this, taking stock of everything that I actually got to do, it seems like it was quite a month, filled with food, family and friends. 

It's the little moments, man. 

A New Year, A New Season, Another Stab at Blogging

Well, well well.

Here we are again. The world of blogging has once again found me, or maybe I found it. The pull to document my life, goals, and dreams on the internet is strong this season of my life. I re-found my old blog, where I read about the wild changes and challenges that I was going through about two years ago. And it ignited something in me again, to practice my writing, to practice being authentic, and to hold myself accountable.

So here I am, once again, planning to write my little heart out for anyone who find this blog, but wayyyyyy more importantly, my future self. Because hi you, I know you're reading this one day in the future. And if you're wondering, I could be better, but I'm doing okay. Here is a quick recap of the past year, fast forward version, to catch myself up from my last blog that I was continually updating!

I moved. I moved from central Connecticut to right outside of Boston. It's been an interesting year of self-doubt, discovery, and light-bulb realizations about the type of person I am and the environments that I thrive in (and do not thrive in). More changes are on the horizon regarding my living quarters, but I'm not sure how long it's going to be before they come to fruition.

I decided NOT to go to grad school! Applying to grad school, thinking about grad school, and preparing for grad school took up so much of my time and mental energy at the end of 2016. It wasn't until the summer of 2017, right before I was going to begin the Dance/Movement Therapy and LMHC program at Lesley University that I made the difficult decision to defer my acceptance indefinitely. The unbelievable cost of the program was weighing so heavily on me, and I decided that I can find a career path in a similar vein and find a program that will NOT cost me over 100 grand. And honestly I do not regret this!

I fell in love... with my beautiful, perfect, handsome orange tabby cat, Cosmo! I will write about Cosmo a lot - he is the love and light of my life. I adopted him October 3rd, 2017 and his birthday is July 23rd, which makes him a Cancer, which just makes so much sense. I am obsessed with him.

I decided on a new career path, related to my current job. I currently work at a private special education school as a high school counselor and I love my job! I follow a great group of 10th graders throughout the day and assist them with executive functioning, behavior plans, classwork, and just about anything you could think of. Working in a school, in a counseling role, really led me to believe that I would make an amazing school counselor. So this is the graduate program I will be applying for this fall/winter! Woohoo!

This feels like a completely new life from the life I was leading when I wrote my last post on my last blog. And in some ways it is. But that's part of why I want to continue this online journaling journey, so that I can look back and see the progress I've made, the big changes, the little moments, and always how far I've come.

Have a beautiful weekend! 

Sunday Coffee Date.

Well I'm not drinking coffee right now but I did have hot chai tea earlier today and that was delicious. Honestly I've had a lovely little weekend and I just wanted to write about it! 

On Friday night I decided I needed to treat myself, so I took myself on an outing to TJMaxx. I didn't realize until recently how dangerous it is to have a TJMaxx only 5 minutes away from my apartment. I got sucked into the hair and skin care section, browsing all these brands that I normally can't afford! 

I ended up getting $60 worth of hair/skin care... whoops! I got a 24k gold face mask (ideal for selfie taking, which I did on Friday night), hyaluronic acid serum, a Boscia face gel/cream, a jade roller, and a Shea Moisture shampoo & deep treatment mask. Woo! So I had myself a mini spa night and was super chilled out. 

Saturday morning I woke up with a mission. I had been procrastinating cleaning out my bedroom closet for months and I decided today was the day! I went to a fun aerobics class at my gym in the morning, made myself some hearty oatmeal for breakfast when I got home, then showered & hit the ground running! 

The closet was way more of an undertaking than I could have ever imagined. I cleaned from 11am to 9pm... seriously. I did take a couple breaks (including a Starbucks break to get a PSL because hello, I clearly deserved it) but I was actually cleaning, organizing, folding, and sorting for the majority of those hours. It was exhausting but I'm SO HAPPY that it's over with and that I can actually walk into the walk-in closet now. I ended up with three bags to give to Goodwill, and have also been giving stuff away through the Buy Nothing Facebook group in my city. I also cleaned out the bathroom storage and it brings me such joy to open the cabinets to my skincare so organized and aesthetic. 

It's the little things. 

Today I met up with my friend Mary Cate and we walked around Castle Island in South Boston. Boy, was it cold! It truly felt like winter to me with the frigid gusts of ocean air... and it somehow put me into the Christmas spirit lol. I'm now craving putting up Christmas decor and watching The Grinch, but I will resist! 

I made some vegan pumpkin muffins (verdict - delicious!) while watching Hocus Pocus when I got home, and now I'm relaxing & watching Youtube videos. I am truly in denial that tomorrow is Monday. I could definitely use one more day. But we have a half day & staff potluck on Friday so I'm looking forward to that! 

What September Taught Me.

To honor my pull to share and write about my life. I hold myself accountable through blogging/journaling. Even though I love the old-school appeal of a paper journal, typing is just so much easier for me. Even if no one ever reads, I know I'll have the joy and opportunity to look back on it myself one day, and I love that.

That R&R is not something to feel guilty about. I am a busy, busy gal. But every once in awhile, I'll have a completely free weekend, with no traveling back and forth from Connecticut and no major plans. That happened once or twice this month and I tend to feel a smidgen of guilt for doing literally nothing. But, when I fully settle into relaxation, I realize that this is what my body needs after full exertion and stimulation during my work week.

Fall is my nostalgia season. I was talking to Alicia about how there's just something in the air, something about the smell of fall, that takes me back to so many different seasons of my life. I find this so much more powerful now than for any other season. And I think it's both a good and a bad thing, because it's comforting, but it also has me subconsciously my present to my past, and I'm trying to stay more present in general.

It's time to kick it into high gear. I'll admit, I was a little bit lazy in the summer. I quit my second job, wasn't very responsible with money, and let a lot of home projects fall to the wayside. Now, I have to pick up the pace. I'm hopeful about getting a second job as a tutor, I need to clean my entire apartment, and it's time to get serious about applying to grad school. The last few months of the year will be busy indeed.


I cannot believe that tomorrow is the first of October.