A New Year, A New Season, Another Stab at Blogging

Well, well well.

Here we are again. The world of blogging has once again found me, or maybe I found it. The pull to document my life, goals, and dreams on the internet is strong this season of my life. I re-found my old blog, where I read about the wild changes and challenges that I was going through about two years ago. And it ignited something in me again, to practice my writing, to practice being authentic, and to hold myself accountable.

So here I am, once again, planning to write my little heart out for anyone who find this blog, but wayyyyyy more importantly, my future self. Because hi you, I know you're reading this one day in the future. And if you're wondering, I could be better, but I'm doing okay. Here is a quick recap of the past year, fast forward version, to catch myself up from my last blog that I was continually updating!

I moved. I moved from central Connecticut to right outside of Boston. It's been an interesting year of self-doubt, discovery, and light-bulb realizations about the type of person I am and the environments that I thrive in (and do not thrive in). More changes are on the horizon regarding my living quarters, but I'm not sure how long it's going to be before they come to fruition.

I decided NOT to go to grad school! Applying to grad school, thinking about grad school, and preparing for grad school took up so much of my time and mental energy at the end of 2016. It wasn't until the summer of 2017, right before I was going to begin the Dance/Movement Therapy and LMHC program at Lesley University that I made the difficult decision to defer my acceptance indefinitely. The unbelievable cost of the program was weighing so heavily on me, and I decided that I can find a career path in a similar vein and find a program that will NOT cost me over 100 grand. And honestly I do not regret this!

I fell in love... with my beautiful, perfect, handsome orange tabby cat, Cosmo! I will write about Cosmo a lot - he is the love and light of my life. I adopted him October 3rd, 2017 and his birthday is July 23rd, which makes him a Cancer, which just makes so much sense. I am obsessed with him.

I decided on a new career path, related to my current job. I currently work at a private special education school as a high school counselor and I love my job! I follow a great group of 10th graders throughout the day and assist them with executive functioning, behavior plans, classwork, and just about anything you could think of. Working in a school, in a counseling role, really led me to believe that I would make an amazing school counselor. So this is the graduate program I will be applying for this fall/winter! Woohoo!

This feels like a completely new life from the life I was leading when I wrote my last post on my last blog. And in some ways it is. But that's part of why I want to continue this online journaling journey, so that I can look back and see the progress I've made, the big changes, the little moments, and always how far I've come.

Have a beautiful weekend! 

Where Have I Been? Part 2

Lately, blogging just hasn't been for me! Blogging the proper, controlled, contrived way. With photos and links all carefully curated, taking hours to format a post, to make it look just so, to check the grammar and the spacing. 

NOT TO MENTION. 

The pressure. The pressure to get page views and comments and engagement. Honestly? I don't care too much about that right now. I took a long social media semi-hiatus. I was still on social media but I was barely looking. Then I decided that my old social media handles all harbor too much angst, sadness, nostalgic memories that give me anxiety rather than the warm fuzzies. 

So I made new ones. New Twitter, new Instagram, new Tumblr. All the same derivation of my first name, middle name, and last initial. Clean, simple. Me. Also, a fresh start (one of my favorite things of all time!).

I don't feel like obsessively reading other woman's blogs just to produce a mediocre comment that MIGHT get me a couple of page views or comments back. It feels inauthentic, which is something that I am trying soooooo hard to steer away from. And which is why I'm writing a post like this. Unedited, semi-stream of conscious, Trebuchet font. I don't know who I'm writing to - if anyone at all - or just to myself. My future self. 

A couple of life updates: 

- I finished applying to grad school.

- I got into the Cambridge grad school program as of two days ago!

- I interviewed for the New Hampshire program on Monday.

- I really loved the NH interview & will find out if I got in there by Friday.

- If I get into the NH school I'm very confused about which program is right for me. 

- Really, I just am terrified to live in either Boston or NH, for very different reasons. 

And even more fun stuff! 

- I'm going to Atlanta, Savannah, and Orlando in FIVE FREAKIN' DAYS. 

- I haven't been on a plane in two years, so I may cry with happiness. 

- I haven't taken this much consecutive time off in a year and half I believe. I feel that I deserve it. 

Travel ignites my restless soul. I have been to Atlanta & Orlando but never to Savannah. I think it's really important to go somewhere once a year (at least!) that you've never been before. 

Where Have I Been?

It's been over 2 weeks since I've logged over here onto my formal little space on the internet and let some strangers peek into my life. I thought it was important to give an update on what I've been doing and why I haven't been very into blogging lately.

• I've been applying to grad school. The energy that I expend typing away on these posts was being directly channeled into something super productive and difficult which were my personal statements and formal graduate resume. And now they are DONE AND SUBMITTED. PRAISE. (and check one box off for January goals).
• I've been on tumblr. This website used to be one that I hated because of all the young, immature people on it. But I've cultivated a page filled with art, inspiration, health-minded people, and positivity. It's like a mood board for everything I can possibly think of and I feel that the age group over there is a little more geared to where I'm at in life, as opposed to the blogger/wordpress world.  
• I've been livin' life! Sometimes recapping every single thing that happens to me, or feeling that I have to take photos of everything, takes me out of the moment. When it comes to my daily life, I've been using the Grid Diary app again (every day in 2017 so far!) so that I have small journal entries to look back on. But I think I may only use this website now to post the great, grand things that I do. Also so that I feel more comfortable sharing it with my friends and family. 

Since we're here I might as well share some favorite things of the year, so far! 

• Kiehl's hand cream and original lip balm. Omg, so good.
• Being a redhead again. Best decision of 2016.
• My new electric toothbrush.
• Vests in general.
• This season of The Bachelor!!!!
• Reading my Kindle (book reviews are likely on the way!)
• Following a pretty strict workout plan.
• Keeping track of my food intake in a very cute Moleskin notebook.
• Micron fine tip pens.
• The most adorable black leather (I'm assuming faux) backpack with gold hardware that I received as a Secret Santa present. 
• Rosehip oil all over my face. 
• 
  

So that's it folks. I felt it was important to step away from the blog, re-evaluate what I want out of it this year, and deliver when I have some good content to deliver. 

Reflecting on 2016.

2015 was one of the best years of my life. You can read all about that here.

I think I've been having trouble writing blog posts this week because I don't have anything inspiring or poetic or motivational to say about 2016, like I did this time last year. My recap of the year is right here, so you can see what I actually did... but it's harder to explain how I feel.

I feel like 2016 was a year filled with grappling for things to do to pass the time, for making plans and then failing to execute them, or for not making plans at all. I am frustrated that I wasted 8 weeks on a course that I didn't end up needing. I am frustrated that I put so much energy into pursuing a grad school program that I realized wasn't right for me. I am frustrated that I am still living with my parents in Connecticut. I am frustrated that I'm in such bad credit card debt.

So 2016 was quite a frustrating year. 

And not just for me, I think a vast majority of people share these bitter feelings towards 2016.

I've already written a whole entire roadmap for 2017 and my 24th year... but this is what I want for myself in 2017...

I want to try new things and say yes to experiences.
I want to stop stressing out so much about money.
I want to be valued in my employment position more than I am now.
I want to be present in my interactions with other people.
I want to be a kind and gentle and calm and funny person.
I want to be less judgmental of things and people, even if I don't agree with them.
I want to travel so badly that it's an ache in my chest that will not go away.

How are you going to make your fresh start better than before? What are actionable things that you're actually DOING?

Let's learn from our mistakes and, if we had a year that we aren't proud of, let's do what we can to make this next one the best.

Look Back At It (2016)

The year is coming to a close. As we all know, and as many of us feel, 2016 was not a super popular year. I cannot sit here and complain about my menial tragedies, knowing of the heartache and sadness going on in the world on a daily basis.

All we can do is continue being kind to one another, giving up our time, and doing what we can in even the smallest of ways. And I think that we're only in the capacity to do that when we're acting and living as our best selves.

In 2016, I was not my best self.

Depression gripped ahold of me again in the winter months (likely seasonal affective disorder, super fun), I wasted money on a college pre-requisite that I didn't need, my relationship went through drastic ups and downs, I won't even begin to get political but.. you know. And I failed to begin graduate school in September AGAIN. I don't know how many more times I can do this.

Alas. Alas alas alas. A wise person once said:

You can't drive forward by looking in the rearview mirror. 

So we're gonna live like this for 2017. But in order to assure myself that the past 365 days were not, in fact, a wash... here is a recap of what I was able to accomplish in 2016. No matter how small it may feel, it is, in fact, worth something.

January
- took a Yoga class, celebrated a dogs birthday party, went to a fancy restaurant, built a bookcase
- went ice skating in Bushnell Park
- made a vision board

Februrary

- surprised L with a custom license plate for his bday

- house sitted (sat?) for a week
- highlighted my whole head with blonde (effectively destroying my hair, lol)
- got Spinning certified!

March
- took my first Zumba class
- went out to lunch instead of attenting a St. Paddy's Day parade because I belong in a retirement home, went for a day trip to Rhode Island
- bought a car!

April
- took a Rhode Island vacation and performed a dance piece at my alma mater!
- took my first BodyPump class
- went hiking and grilled outside for the first time since the deep freeze
- went to a wacky antique shop and a Polish festival all in one day
- took a Spinning class taught by an unbelievably inspiring guy with cerebral palsy

May 
- ran the furthest I've ever run (4.5 miles) as I started training for a 10K
- visited the flowers and gardens in Elizabeth Park in West Hartford
- went for a weekend trip to NYC for L's cousin's graduation party
- saw Finding Neverland on Broadway!
- wore a bathing suit and went to a lake for the first time since winter

June 
- took an accelerated summer anatomy course that I didn't end up needing...
- attended a baby shower
- performed in and witnessed my dance studio's annual recital!
- spent a lot of time studying but still managed to do so over amazing pizza and a glass of white sangria...
- did a Night Nation 5K!
- went to my first food truck festival!
- grilled hot dogs and jumped off a cliff at a swimming hole/waterfall

July 

- made red, white, and blue jello shots

- went stand up paddle boarding!

- had lunch on Martha's Vineyard

- hosted a cook out

- visited a lakehouse with my extended family

- visited L's sister in the hospital right after she gave birth

- went to Rockport, MA to see two of my best friends from college

- went to the Dance Teacher Summit in NYC!

August
- ran in a Blacklight 5K with some of my good friends
- took my first barre class! 
- spent 17 hours in the ER
- started teaching summer dance classes, my FAVORITE time to teach!

September
- went to a butterfly garden for the first time! 
- went to wedding at the Bronx zoo
- went to quite a few Farmer's markets
- went to The Big E in West Springfield, MA!

October
- dyed my hair pink! 
- went to a crazy dance performance with puppets, costumes, and stilts!
- went to a happy hour and got completely wasted before 7pm
- took a drive on an amazing scenic route of southern Connecticut
- went to a Halloween party and visited Salem, MA! 

November
- took my dog for a LOT of walks
- got my nose pierced
- made Christmas cards for veterans
- went out to a bar on Thanksgiving Eve like a cool twenty-something!
- spent Thanksgiving Day with two families

December
- celebrated one year of blogging!
- went to SantaCon in New York City!
- visited the infamous Christmas House in Torrington, CT
- dyed my hair red red red
- went out to dinner with my parents and L for my birthday
- got a Kindle! can't wait to read literally everything

The verdict is still out on how I'm choosing to ring in the new year. Odds are it won't be at home in jammies this time. I truly feel like that was a bad omen for my entire year.

The year may have felt empty, but it does look pretty full.

But here's to being our best selves in 2017, yeah?
What is your favorite thing you did in 2016?

Roadmap for 2017 + My 24th Year

Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me!!! 
Today, I am 24. I am taking the day off from work, sleeping in a bit, making myself a delicious breakfast, going to the gym, getting a massage, and teaching a dance class. Woo!

Since my birthday is so close to NYE, I'm going to combine my goals/bucket list/resolutions for the new year with my ambitions for my 24th year of life. All smashed together into one big shmorgasborg of a shit ton of things I want to get done in 2017.

2016 was a failed year. I hate to be dramatic, but it feels that way in retrospect. I did accomplish some things, try out some new stuff, and see some new places. But all in all, I felt unbelievable stagnant. I like to keep things positive, but it is what it is.

ON TO THE NEXT ONE. 

The mottos: 

The poetic approach:
The same time will go by and where will you be?
yearning for more or finally free...


Here is a list all the non-time-sensitive things I want to accomplish, try, fail at, see, do, experience, and test out in the next 365 days of approaching closer and closer to my quarter life crisis. I may write these down on a giant poster board and hang them in my room, but there's no precise time table for getting these done, I just want to eventually (this year!)

1. Do a polar plunge.
2. Participate in a Whole 30 eating plan.
3. Attend a gay pride event. 
4. Train for and complete a 10k.
5. Have someone perform Reiki on me. 
6. Take a professional dance class. 
7. Go hiking in Vermont. 
8. Take an aerial Yoga class.
9. Distribute hot cocoa and coffee to crossing guards in the winter. 
10. Go to an outdoor concert (I didn't go to a single one in 2017!)


YEAR LONG, ON-GOING GOALS: 

• Take a short video every day of the year, to create a 365 second long 1SE video.
• Dance once a week and record myself improvising to all of my favorite songs. Compile the video. Witness the growth. 
• Get out of cc debt (or as close as possible). 
• Stretching and yoga, to me, is the truest form of self-care. Implement as often as possible. 
• Eat clean clean and cleaner still. You can do it, biotch. 
• Take deeper freakin' breaths. Pause before speaking. Radiate the light you know is inside of you, daily. 

GOALS SPECIFIC TO MONTHS: 

January - apply to freakin' grad school. 

February - surprise L with a Valentine's Day homemade meal or sappy present because I am a weak, weak person. 

March - go to a St. Paddy's Day parade, visit Aunt Natalie in Atlanta and take a day trip to Savannah, GA!

April - start training for a 10K, hopefully decide where I am going to grad school!!! 

May - start process of apartment hunting. 

June - complete a 10K.

July - go to a super fun 4th of July event, with fireworks and sparklers! 

August - decide where I am going to be living for the next indeterminate number of years, move there, either travel internationally or compete an intensive 2-week yoga teacher training course in Costa Rica or somewhere equally unbelievable. 

September - start grad school (!!!!)

October - celebrate Halloween either Boston-style or Pumpkin Fest-style in Keene, NH. All depends on where I decide for grad school. 

November - Go home for Thanksgiving and write down at least one thing I'm grateful for each day for the whole month. 

December - Bake 1,000 Christmas cookies, volunteer my time at a shelter of some kind, see the Rockette's Christmas Spectacular.

This is 100x more intense year planning than what I did in 2016 so I'm hoping and praying that this year goes according to plan. Of course, with a little wiggle room for spontaneity :)

Cheers to a new year, new beginnings, new chances, and 365 opportunities to make it count. 

I'm Not Defined By...

I think people beat themselves up too much.
It's a comparison trap that we live in, with social media making everyone's lives seem so much better than they actually are. And it makes everyone... EVERYONE feel inadequate. I think. Even the people whose Instagram lives look so great. They're probably thinking to themselves, "wow, my whole feed is a curated lie.. but THIS PERSON, this person's IG life looks great so they definitely have it together. wow, gotta take a few more staged pictures now".

I think this is why I like Snapchat so much more than Instagram. I think I just needed to write this post as a reminder to myself that the worst things about myself don't define me in any way. They're things I live with, cope with, and deal with... but they do not make up the awesome, friendly, outgoing, introspective, unique person that is Danielle.

I'm not defined by... my debt. I go through spurts of time when my debt feels like the heaviest boulder that I'm trying to squeeze out from under. I have a ton of student loan debt, credit card debt, and car loan debt (which will thankfully go away when I sell my car back cuz I won't need that in Boston!). And I'm welcoming even more debt into my life in my pursuit of my Master's degree! But, deep breath Danielle. Debt does not define you. It's something you live with, not something you're living for. Life needs to go on and there's a way to be responsible about paying off your debt without letting it control your life. Life is short.

I'm not defined by... my education level. Many many of my friends have gone back to grad school before me. My younger friends are finishing up grad school right now, if they went right after undergrad. What have I been doing? Sometimes I look back at the past three years and wonder what I have to show for myself. But I have to remind myself that everyone's journey happens that way for a reason. I needed this time to grow and truly FIGURE OUT why I even wanted to go back to school, and what for. If I had gone back any sooner, I'd be in the wrong state of mind, in the wrong grad program. I gotta believe that.

I'm not defined by... the number of stamps in my passport. Friends who studied abroad, whose parents brought them on countless trips, who can afford to vacation in the Keys on a random week in November - hey, I'm jealous of you. And sometimes it feels like a competition when it comes to people my age and how much we've traveled. We all want the bragging rights that we've experienced so much, tasted other cultures, and really have *seen the world*. But it isn't a contest. Travel is deeply personal and individual. I'll get to the places I want to go, but until then, where I've been doesn't define my value.

I'm not defined by... my failed relationships. Maybe the hardest one for me to accept, because so much of who I am now unfortunately stems from who I became in my previous relationship, and who I turned into afterwards. The most depressed and sad I've ever been in my entire life... and then a few months later, a wild party animal just trying to forget her sadness. But everything I did up until that point was to distract myself from missing this person so much. Life has to go on and it has to go on because I want to create my life however I choose, without anyone else's influence.

One Year From Today.

The year is wrapping up in a little under one month, so of course I'm getting nostalgic. I'll probably write several of these types of blog posts before 2016 rolls out but I'll be honest... 2016 was not my best year. Maybe because 2015 was such an important year for me, an UNBELIEVABLE year for self growth and exploration, that 2016 felt so stagnant. And also like I regressed a little bit in some areas. But I am so so so much stronger and sure of myself this year than I was this time last year. November 2015 was the shittiest month I've had in so long. I was just in a car accident, L's grandma died and he was extremely depressed, I had no reliable vehicle, I couldn't work out because I'd fractured my sternum... it was a mess. I don't want to jinx it but this year is ending so much better. So much better that I can look toward a solid future in 2017 and hope that...

One year from today I'll be in a grad program. 
I decided officially that I want to go back to school for Dance/Movement Therapy. The programs that I'm applying to would also allow me to earn credentialing for Mental Health Counseling. They're in Cambridge and New Hampshire but I'm leaning heavilyyy toward the Cambridge one.

One year from today I'll be OUT of CT.
Connecticut is the place I grew up, where almost all of my family and friends are. But Cambridge isn't that far away and it's high time for me to spread my wings and fly fly fly away. I spent four years in Rhode Island and they were the most important years of my life for gaining independence and freedom. But I was living in student dorms and apartments and not really fending for myself. In big, bad Boston, I'll be the small fish in the big sea and it's scary but it's something that I need.

One year from today I'll have some more travel under my belt. 
2016 didn't bring me to many new places and I think that's the thing I'm most upset about. I didn't leave the Northeast once. This was coming off of a year when I'd traveled outside the country for the first time, to the deep South for the first time, and spent a week sunbathing in the Carolinas with my extended family. In 2017, I need that to change desperately. In March I'm planning to visit my aunt in Atlanta again, but road trip down so I can see some East Coast sights and also visit Savannah, GA. And in August, Shawn and I are trying our hand at international travel again with a trip to... Norway. Why Norway you ask? I'm not sure, I brought it up once and we developed a strong fixiation and now I'm spending my free time researching the shit out of how to travel Norway on a TIGHT budget. Any tips?

One year from today I'll be out of credit card debt. 
Credit cards are a necessary evil, but the absolute devil. I can't wait to get all my balances down to zero, and then shred those stupid little pieces of plastic.

Where do you hope you'll be one year from today? Do you have any travel plans already in the works for 2017? Gotta plan ahead! 

Black Friday Frenzy.

Black Friday (and all urgent limited-time-only sales) really stress me the fuck out. As I'm sure all marketing executives wholeheartedly intend to do to us simple-minded, easily persuaded consumers.

Do I NEED a new TV? How about a designer hand bag that is 65% off? Who cares that it's still over $200, it'll never be on a sale like this again. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity!

See why this is so stressful...

I'm 100% alone at the front desk, with no one to hold my hand/tell me not to (or to) pull the trigger on my purchases. Which just resulted in me placing a pretty large order for Pura Vida bracelets (something I never realized I wanted/need until today when I was made aware that the whole website is 50% off with free shipping. And those full price bracelets ain't cheap). It benefits so many charities and I've always wanted to be a free spirited Pura Vida girl so... justification! Plus, I got one for my mom (save the beagles), Lucas (anxiety awareness), and friend Shawn (baby sea turtles foundation). I just can't resist a charitable sale...

And I also keep refreshing Nordstrom's website and giving it some serious side eye, adding items to my cart and taking them out.

Can my manager get here already so I can be forced to stop using the gym computers?

I hope everyone had a really wonderful Thanksgiving. 

Mine was spent trying really hard to stuff my face, but failing because my stomach rudely decided to shrink to the size of a teaspoon. I spent half of it with at my aunt's house with my family on my mom's side, then drove on over to L's house where his HUGE family crowded the house and overwhelmed everyone. 

My family is teeny tiny, so it is really nice to get that close but large family atmosphere that I've always been jealous of. 

In closing, here are some pretty beautiful things I'm thankful for today and yesterday: 

- cheese and crackers

- my little family

- my relationship with L, and how far we've come in a year

- cookie dough truffles

- a 4 month old baby in a turkey day outfit

- white wine

- getting valuable advice about moving to Boston

- LEGGINGS. 

Will you be splurging on anything for Black Friday? I'll be over here trying to hide my wallet from myself. Good thing I haven't memorized my card number....

Glitter, stickers, sparkle, magic.

Oh, helloooooooo there and happy Monday! 

If you weren't in blogland last night and want to read about how I actualized a seven year dream of getting my nose pierced, go on and check it here.

This weekend wasn't super exciting, but it was pretty great. After my piercing experience on Friday night, L and I went to one of our fav spots, Tisane's, a super chill bar and restaurant that brings cozy and eccentric together perfectly. We each got a glass of sauvignon blanc, cheers-ed to me being a little bit spontaneous for once, and split an appetizer of BBQ chicken spring rolls. Yummm. We settled in Friday night to watch some TV, either a little bit of Harry Potter weekend(!!) or Vanderpump Rules since we legitimately cannot stop watching this stupid show. Send help.

Saturday afternoon was spent with my adorable mama, who strongly disapproves of the new hole in my face, so I hid it from her so she did not have to see the atrocity. We took our beagle doggy for a walk in the dog park since it was predicted to be "the last really nice day of 2016". Dramatic, but damn it was a beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky, high of probably around 65. What November dreams are made of.

When we got home we started in on some CHRISTMAS CARDS!!! My mom's workplace has a goal of making 200 hand-made holiday cards for veterans this year. I have a ton of holiday stickers and about 700 rolls of washi tape, so I volunteered all my supplies and my time and I banged out some TRULY beautiful cards if I do say so myself. I think this one is my favorite.

I cannot handle the cuteness! This of course inspired me to hand make cards for other people in my own life, so I made three and it was honestly the most relaxed and productive I've been for an extended period of time in a LONG TIME. So here's a pro-tip: if you are stressed out, craft!

That afternoon I met up with a long time friend, Courtney, to see Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them. We saw it in IMAX and it was... very loud. But I liked it! It was quite cool to be back in the magical world, even if it didn't feature any of my fav old characters. But it didn't completely wow me or suck me in. Maybe my expectations were slightly too high, but I did think that a lot of the creatures and some of the story line were a little far fetched, or that maybe too much plot was attempted to be fit into just the 2 hours and 15 minutes of the film. I'm not sure. Have you seen it? Let me know your thoughts!

On Sunday I worked with my little dancer cousin on her solo for this year and we finished it! Thank goodness too, because she's performing it on December 3rd at our studio's Christmas show and...  no one told me. I'm always so out of the loop! Jessie is a very determined and busy 13 year old girl, sometimes I don't know how she manages it all.. band, soccer, field hockey, competitive dance, all plus school, friends, and homework?! Kids, man, how do you bottle that energy.

I hope your weekend was fantastic, relaxing, inspiring, creative, and rejuvenating! 

I should've gotten a small tattoo instead

I can't remember the last time I wrote a blog post NOT at work. Don't get it twisted, I am 100% not supposed to be using the work computers for my selfish blogging usage... butttttttttttt, I do! Can you really blame me? I'm alone at that front desk from 6am to 8:45am most days. I'd lose my damn mind if I wasn't blogging and reading Buzzfeed gift guides.

So let me set the scene since usually the scene is a freezing cold gym desk lit with harsh gym lighting with a thermos of yucky coffee (since my creamer is sugar-free, what was I thinking) at 6:15am.

It's 4pm on a Sunday and I'm snuggled on the couch and the NY Giants football game is on. And they're WINNING. I just blew out our Marshmallow Fireside BABW candle so it smells decadent and my new Himalayan salt lamp is *lit*, emitting all them positive ion vibes and cleansing the air and all the other crazy magical things Himalayan salt lamps are 'sposed to do. I have Pinterest open in the tab next door, my feet are up, my socks don't match, and L is napping as per usual.

It's cozy and nice, and I'm actually not going stir crazy and I think it's because I broke out the 'ol laptop and I'm clackity clacking away. I don't know why I never use my laptop, but it's infinitely more soothing to scroll through Pinterest on this big screen than on my tiny, bright phone.

On Friday night L needed to go to a piercing place to have his ears checked out. He used to have gauges back from when he was a lil bad ass rebel in his high school era, but he hasn't been wearing them super often, so they shrunk and are two different sizes. He's pretty upset about that. But while we were there, I was feeling EXTRA WILD & REBELLIOUS and decided, y'know what, I'm gonna do something I've been talking and thinking and debating about for seven years now. I'm not lying, I've been thinking about getting my nose pierced for seven years.

But I'm a little baby, who is afraid of needles and faints when she gets blood drawn. So I have never stepped foot in a piercing place, that is, until L had to go to one anyways, and there I was, standing at the counter, and asking the super nice, super pierced girl about septum piercings.

Yeah, I have also always wanted to get a cute little nose stud or a teeny tiny gold hoop but, my friends, I work at a gym that prohibits alllllllllllll facial piercings (yet doesn't mind employees with fully tattooed bodies, riddle me that), so I needed something I could hide, that would make me feel like a little bad ass and so, here we are. The piercing itself hurt absolutely NOT AT ALL - I was truly so shocked at how little it hurt. Right now, it is healing up flipped inside my nose, just a tiny bit tender and sore if my nose grazes anything. But, I love it. I know plenty of people will hate it, butttt I don't care.

This isn't me, but it pretty much looks like this. 

My mom said the absolute funniest thing when I showed her (p.s. she hates it).

She goes: "I wish you got a small tattoo instead!" 

I just think that's the silliest thing, because I'm the most indecisive person and, HELLOOOO, a tattoo would be on me for my whole entire life! If I don't like this piercing, I can just shove it in my nose, or take it out eventually. And no scar will ever show. Hm. C'mon mother. 

I think this piercing is cool, a little bit unexpected of me, and honestly enhances my face. Here's a great article I found about this piercing in particular: I wore a fake septum piercing for a week and it was f*cking empowering. 

That is all, for now. I have plenty more to write about my weekend, but that's going up tomorrow morning! 

A Friday Ramble

Here's a pretty old picture of me - probably circa 2013? ...so I guess not that old... but wow what a shitty arabesque...

to kick this Friday ramble off with a bang, because I have absolutely no direction for this post. 

Happy Friday! 

So because I post on every Friday, I have to throw something up here and hope it STICKS, like those little jelly hands that you threw to the window of the car on long road trips when you were 7.

I am sick. I got the inevitable November cold. 

It wasn't without some effort on my part to stop it in its' tracks though. 

My arsenal included zinc tablets, vitamin C supplements, daily multivitamins, immunity tea, Mucinex, and lots of water. 

But alas, we have succumb.

So my head is too tired and congested to make sense of pretty much anything. Here's a rambly post about something that happened this week? Maybe just some stuff and nonsense and I honesty don't blame you if you stop reading this. Hell, I would. 

On Wednesday morning my gym played Christmas music every other song. I have no idea why because the music is all randomly generated but I'm not sure I was mad about it and no gym members complained so..... it's Christmas ??

I really want a cute little manatee loose tea diffuser because I have immunity loose tea that I have to put in this ugly metal sieve. You know that diffuser I'm talking about. 

I'm really wanting to support my fav bloggers in their shops around the holidays and for people's birthdays, I just keep forgetting to shop there. Like Taylor's tshirts and Bonnie's jewelry. 

Every day I woke up this week it felt like a Thursday? Every. Single. Day. Then on Thursday I woke up and it felt like a Friday. How messed up is that? 

Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them comes out this weekend and you best believe that I will be front and center, clutching my copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, trembling with excitement at being sucked back into the wizarding world. BEST BELIEVE.  

Thanksgiving is next week and Black Friday is exactly one week from today. 

I have to work both days, merp. But I get out an hour early on Thursday (at noon), and time and a half, so that's cool. 

Now I just have to try my absolutely best to resist online Black Friday sales while I'm standing at the front desk on Friday.... gotta stay strong. 

Have a magical weekend. 

A New Chapter

I graduated college in May 2014 and I've been living at my parent's house back in my hometown ever since.

Well, more like since midway through this year since I've been spending the better part of my living in L's apartment that just so happens to be in the basement of his parent's house.

Two faces I'll miss like crazy when I'm gone.

My grad school hopes and dreams are kind of pulling us into this new living chapter and it's hard for me to wrap my head around.

The grad school that I'm *mostly* looking at is in Cambridge, MA. I know, so fancy.

I know three people currently going here, my professors from undergrad have colleagues here, and I've met for coffee with a girl who graduated from this program. I'm still going to apply to the New Hampshire program... but honestly I feel like all fingers are pointing to Cambridge.

Better still, I have like TONS of friends who live in the Boston area. Soooooo many friends from college days! Man, I miss them.

I guess the real question is, can I afford this? 

Logistically, I guess I should be able to go to grad school full/part-time and work full/part-time and also be saving up money like a mofucker right now to help me out with rent.

But the reality is that I haven't really factored in certain expenses to living in the Boston area... like having to eat food... and other important things like that.

Also, I have an embarrassingly large credit card balance that I'm trying to pay off before any real apartment talks take place. AND I'M ALSO TRYING TO TRAVEL THIS YEAR.

Am I totally out of my mind? I guess, maybe? I don't know, I've never had to pay rent before. I lived in my college dorms and apartments in a blissfully ignorant state, thinking RENT FREE! when really what was happening was those student loans were just pilin' up, man. Isn't that so rude how it happens?

And madre and padre aren't helping me out this time... like at all. I don't really want them too - they really sacrificed a lot to help me out with a TON of my undergrad tuition. But I'm scared. Terrified of incurring all of that student loan debt, and of taking a huge leap into the real world and getting kicked right back out.

If you've ever had to handle rent, living in a city, and/or grad school please enlighten me... how did you survive? 

The Friday Five

My mid-week mental health day made this week pretty much fly by. I may have just switched up my schedule up the teensiest bit, but feel like I had a completely new structure to my week!

This week was a tough, weird, emotional week for a lottttt of people. Half the country, probably. So I want to bring a smidge of joy to my blog with 5 things that made me smile (and possibly a lil teary eyed) this week, and 5 things I have left to accomplish before 2016 is over. Because I'm the ultimate overachiever in most of what I do.



5 THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE: 

1. The unimaginable joy of watching a little baby get bigger and bigger each day, and the equally soft mushy feeling of when that baby falls asleep in your arms/on your lap. CANNOT HANDLE. L's twin sister has their mom babysit pretty often since she's retired, and since we are always over their house... we get lots of baby face time. And I am not complaining because look at that face.

2. The reward of being a dance teacher. I said it before and I'll say it again - dance teachers make a gigantic difference in shaping the kids they work with. One of my pre-teen dance students has had unreal attitude problems all year - until last night.

She worked hard, she was mostly quiet, I could tell she was focused. I pulled her aside after class and told her how proud I was of her and how she has the power in her personality to completely change the whole attitude of the class; when she works hard, we all work hard. I looked at her and said, "did you feel the difference tonight? you created that positive energy." She tries to portray herself as this tough girl, but she got glossy eyed, and I did too.

I gave her a hug then found out later that she had excelled in all of her classes that night, despite a rocky home life and the odds stacked against her. Our belief in her, I hope, makes such a huge difference.

3. Almost every single person on our staff at work signed up in the break room to participate in Secret Santa 2016! The price point is only $10, but it's still so fun to give and get a lil surprise around the holidays!

4. I found a heavy duty thermos that keeps liquids hot up to 12 hours! The only problem is that now I think my coffee is still piping hot three hours later and I'm scared to sip it.

5. Despite despite despite the results of the election, I have seen a lot of people rising up to be even better versions of themselves. My female friends swearing that this is going to make them more politically active and aware, my young dance students taking interest in social issues, and countless bloggers and influencers giving resources and where to donate your time and money if and when things start to go south. In particular, this blog post of 9 actionable things you can do.


5 THINGS LEFT TO ACCOMPLISH IN 2016:

1. Tour college campuses. Cambridge and Keene, I'm coming for you.

2. Seriously seriously seriously stick to my budget. Which basically just means spend money on as few things as humanly possible.

3. Finalize my road map of 2017. Beautiful, grande, somewhat unrealistic blog post in the drafts for next month.

4. Submit grad school applications on or before NYE. Because if that doesn't say, hell yeah to 2017, I don't really know what does.

5. Ring in my birthday in a better way than an awkward Margarita's dinner, ring in the New Year in a better way than passed out, alone, on an acquaintances basement couch. Yes, both of those happened last year.

After The Storm

I took the day off from work yesterday. It was actually unintentional that my day off just happened to fall on the day that Donald Trump was elected our brand new POTUS. But boy oh boy, I'm so glad that it did. It became a completely necessary mental health day - including going out to a delicious breakfast, detoxing from news stations, distracting myself with an adorable baby, and trying to stay off of Facebook (and mostly failing).

Rewind a bit. I walked to my polling location on Tuesday afternoon since it was only about 10 houses down from where I live. The weather was mild and I wore a sweater and a light vest. The polls weren't too busy and there weren't too many people standing outside holding signs. I checked in with my ID and they handed me my ballot. I took my place at a little station next to an elderly woman using a literal magnifying glass to read her options. She smiled at me and made a comment about how they expect her to read such small print with only one working eye.

No, I didn't even think twice about who I was voting into the Oval Office. And after filling in the rest of the little white bubbles and answering my towns questions, I was all done. I subconsciously pocketed the pen that I used to cast my vote; when I found it later I absentmindedly thought, "how cool that I accidentally stole the pen I used to cast my vote for our first female President".

I guess I was too cocky.

A minute after I had started walking back to my house, I realized that I left my car keys at my station. I did a pivot step and got them from the nice people at the check in area. They laughed about how they knew whoever's keys they were wasn't getting far. I headed back outside and noticed the elderly woman with the magnifying glass was also walking home. She was a little ways in front of me, shuffling along, when I saw her stop her walker and take a seat on the padded part of it, hanging her head.

I don't know what told me to approach her, but I did. I walked up to her and said, "Hi, can I help you with anything?"

She smiled at me and said no no honey, just needed to take a break. She stood up and we were both headed in the same direction, so we started walking together, very slowly.

She started talking my ear off and before long we found out that she used to work with my dad. When she realized this her face absolutely lit up. She started exclaiming about how big I was since the last time she saw photos of me and how excited my dad was when I was born! It was truly joyful. She talked a lot about her family, her 8 month old great-granddaughter, her multiple surgeries, her abusive late husband, and more.

Do you know what we didn't talk about? Who we voted for. 

Now, I do know that she voted for Hilary because she was holding her ballot up for the world to see. But it didn't matter because there were other things to talk about. When we got to her street and it came time to part ways, she gave me a nice big hug. And for some reason I was just a teensy bit teary eyed.

So we may not agree with who won the election or we may be ecstatic about who won the election. I'm not going to lie, I cried on Tuesday night as the electoral votes came in. It just didn't seem real. But it's very real right now. But until something happens that I truly don't agree with (and I'm sure it will), until policies get put on the table that go against social progress our country has made (and they likely will)... I will try to sleep peacefully. I will try to have hope.

And I will continue striking up conversation with kind strangers, smiling at people no matter what they look like, and researching ways to make small a difference if something is threatening the melting pot of our country. Because that is where change, tolerance, and acceptance all start - in your neighborhood, in your schools, at your grocery stores, on your sidewalks. 

The Theme is Cozy

So last night I had a dream that I lived in a dystopian society where people were organized based on their personal style, but it was a secret and no one could figure out how or why we were divided. I was sitting at a table with a bunch of other people in sweatpants and hoodies when we finally figured it out.

So happy Monday.

This weekend was finally finally FINALLY more on the relaxing and rejuvenating side. On Friday night I went with L to his bff's gf's birthday party at her newish condo. It was fucking beautiful. The condo of my dreams.

The condo itself was like, alright. But the DECORATING. Every surface was covered in something gold or sparkly - so feminine. There were probably 12 strings of fairy lights strategically placed - you know those gold-wired LED lights that populate the Target Dollar Spot aka my favorite place on Earth? Yeah, those.

On Saturday I shocked myself by going to the gym for the first time on a weekend morning in... well, let's not talk about it. I am in my work out flowwww again, finally, for the first time in... well, over a year. TBH. It feels damn good and I have a before/after pic and the before is all the way back in January, when I was the heaviest I've ever been.

The only person I showed was my mom, but she agreed that I look way better. As all moms are expected to do.

After that my mom took L and I out to lunch at Panera which was so sweet since we are both on a strict budget this month! We sat by the fireside at a cozy lil table and I gobbled down a turkey, apple, and cheddar sandwich and my WEAKNESS which is broccoli cheddar soup.

Although I'm not sure if it was a bad batch because my mom and I got the same sandwich and we had a little bit of... bathroom troubles... when we got home.

On Sunday we've been going on adventures like a scenic road trip or spooky day trip. But this Sunday we just needed to relaxxxx. L was scheduled to work and after he got home we hung out at my house and I watched the NY Giants crush the Eagles in a VERY exciting game. Go Giants!

The theme of this weekend? Cozy. 

I was in fleece PJ pants by 2pm on Sunday afternoon. No shame in my game.

The Friday Five

Another week comes to a close and we tiptoe nearer and nearer to the end of the year.

Is that horrifying to anyone else?

This year just went by so fast. I'm at the age where I've been out of school for a significant amount of time and the years are just starting to blend together because I don't have any markers to classify them with. It's not "Crazy Junior Year" anymore, it's just... another year.

This week's theme was getting some shit done that's been sitting on my to-do list for a longggggg time. Isn't that the best freakin feeling? Ahh, the relief of crossing it off the list and asking myself why it took me so damn long to just bring myself to do it because it literally took two minutes. Laziness.

Here are five things that brought me joy, frustration, and empowerment throughout the week - or just five random things I want to talk about.

Registering to vote. The last time I voted in a presidential election I was living on campus in Bristol, RI. So not until very recently did I realize I'm not a registered voter in CT. Oops! The deadline to register in CT was November 1st, so naturally this is the date that I registered online. With the psychosis of this election happening in literally four days, it was absolutely necessary.

As a young American, I'm truly distraught over the state of this election. But there's nothing we can do because it's happening whether we want it to or not. Adios Obama. It's been cool, homie.


Mint. Something came over me this month and I decided to take control of my finances. At 23? I know, it's unheard of. After trying to figure out my budget on paper and then downloading 7 different apps (all of which I tried using for 4 minutes and then deleted), I finally settled on Mint.

Mint links up to all of your accounts and breaks down all your spending from past months so you can really see where it's all going. Personally, I'm disgusted and horrified with myself.

Six trips to CVS, and an unnecessary $200 spent at TJMaxx later...

It's time for me to start adulting and take control. So I've set up several budgets for myself, what I want to put into savings, and a master plan for paying off my credit card that involves transferring the balance to a new card that has a $0 balance transfer fee and 0% APR for the first 15 months and... a whole bunch of other super adult things like that.

It's overwhelming. But it feels good.


Why is older music so much better? I'm not sure what radio station I was listening to, but back to back two amazing throwbacks came on - Whatever You Like by T.I. and 3AM by Matchbox Twenty. Omg, does music of today suck or what? I don't know if it's because these throwbacks bring me so much nostalgia or because they actually are THAT much better.

But please!!! If you're going to leave a comment, tell me what your absolute favorite throwbacks are. From the 90's and 00's, I need to know.


Obsessing over my nails. I told myself I'd never be one of those girls who gets gel nails over and over again because then you become a slave to getting your nails done.

But here I am. And my nails are shiny as hell. And I'm damn happy about it.


Glitter phone cases - thoughts? My Lifeproof case is actually falling apart. Every week some aspect of it breaks. So regardless, it's time for a new phone case.

The problem? My phone hits pavement at least once per day.

But ooooh, I'm so jealous of those girls with the cute phone cases. The ones with pineapples and cacti on them. And cheeky little sayings. And the hard plastic ones that probably offer zero protection but have those floating sparkles and glitter suspended in a mysterious liquid that drift back and forth back and forth... mesmerizing.

Does a version of this that might actually protect my phone exist? I'm not sure. Amazon reviews tell me "probably not". The hunt continues.

That's all for my week. This is the first weekend in a long time that I just want to chill and don't have a myriad of plans. Ya girl is also trying to save dat money, so.

The only thing on the radar is a celebration of a long time friends' 26th birthday at a bowling alley that plays loud music and serves alcohol. The last time we went here we ordered probably over $200 worth of food and dranks. I may be trying to save money, but don't think I didn't factor mozzarella sticks into my budget. It's there.

Happy Friday!

All The November Things

Goodbye October, hello November. 

I'm so happy with my mantras from October. I'm happy that I never felt stressed to accomplish any random goals, yet I feel like I accomplished so much. I'm happy that I do find myself feeling a little less tense, a little more free, and a lot more present. Now onto the next one.

Cozy, comfy November.
Filled with family, friends, food, and desperately trying to not gain twenty pounds.

Last November was a tough one. L's grandma passed away and we attended the services in New York together. He's a very sensitive person and even though we had only been dating for about two months, I really felt that I needed to be there for him. Shortly after that, we got into a car accident where both of our cars were totaled - thank goodness we were okay - but I spent almost a full day in the hospital with a fractured sternum and seriously bruised knee. Our relationship did not start off easy, which bonded us together very strongly.

But yes, last November was a tough one.

Continuing along last months' format, here are my 10 things for November. Not quite goals, not quite mantras, but something perfectly in-between.

1. Find some balance // Balance in everything. Sleep time vs. social life time. Healthy eating vs. happy indulging. Family time vs. friend time.

2. Strengthen friendships // I just want to reach out to people more, be it through a phone call or just an Instagram comment. Hi friend, I miss you, I'm sad we live miles apart, we should reconnect soon! Instead of sending them drunk snapchats telling them I miss at 6pm on a Friday.

3. Stay healthy, stay motivated, stay striving. 

4. Be cozy, warm, and snuggly. 

5. Be outgoing, adventurous, and spontaneous.

6. Contribute to family Thanksgiving dinner // I don't care if it's only buying the pre-made dinner rolls, I'm 23 years old and it's about time I stop looking like a low life and actually contribute to the holiday meals!

7. Continue to write in this blog for me // I've decided that this blog isn't about ads, comments, promoting, or traffic. I'm not that person. I'm the person writing about my life, mostly for me, but for anyone else who wants to dive in. But you'll never find me writing a post called "Top 10 Ways to Gain Guest Traffic this Holiday Season!" It'll be more like "My Aunt Got Drunk and Spilled Cranberry Sauce on Our Beagle". Just keeping it real here.

8. Speak my mind // Enough of the shy, timid girl that I morph into sometimes. I'm not even sure where she came from. But she's not invited to this party anymore.

9. Be mindful and live in the present moment, but still try and capture memories to look back on // Sometimes I'm so into living in the present that I don't take any pictures, and then I forget that those moments even existed.

10. Try try try to take a couple of Yoga classes // Good for my body, great for my mind.

Let's dive right into November, in all of it's golden colored, turkey flavored, gravy covered goodness.

It's just a bunch of Hocus Pocus!

When a weekend isn't rejuvenating enough, can we please get a do-over?...

Friday night was for relaxing, but Saturday was filled with a wild goose chase for costume supplies, my aunt's 50th birthday celebration, and a Halloween house party with decorations worth an Academy Award.

Then on Sunday we went to Salem, along with what felt like everyone else in New England. It was crowded af but it was magical in its chaos and a beautiful day to walk around. A section of street was completely shut down and packed to the brim with tents, vendors, mayhem, and people dressed in the BEST costumes I've ever seen.

I swear, L and I impressed ourselves with our Fairly Odd Parents costume from Saturday night, but we were nothing compared to these people. They do Halloween and they do it HARD.

We took in all of the insane stimuli - the ghosts, ghouls, creeps, creatures, and characters - as we walked all the way through the downtown area, popping into authentic witch shops and picking up some magical crystals and loose tea leaves, guaranteeing to aid with anxiety, bring good luck, and increase immunity. Bippity boppity boo.

Once we looped around, we found the Witch Dungeon Museum and watched a re-enactment of Elizabeth Proctor's witch trial. The history of the witch trials is actually fascinating, and something that I can't believe I didn't know more about. I actually used to be obsessed with witches as a young child... no, I'm not sure how much supervision my parents were giving me when I visited the town library...

We were then led into the re-creation of the actual witch dungeon, where as many as 200 people were held during the witch hysteria of 1692. The actual dungeon was found completely preserved in the 50's but DESTROYED.

What were they thinking?!

The Crucible hadn't been written yet (which really brought all the witch fame to the town) and the people living there were more than a little bit embarrassed that their ancestors convicted hundreds of people and hanged twenty in fifteen months of terror and chaos. Fortunately, one of the support beams from the original structure was kept by a demolition worker and donated to the museum. I touched it with my bare hand. Hopefully no spirits followed me home to Connecticut...

HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

And also, happy last day of October. Since my goals for October were a little bit different than my previous months (and I honestly loved it), this is what I learned this month.

I can't drink like I used to. Did you read this embarrassing account of me losing my shit at happy hour? My body is old and sleep deprived and I get drunk 700x faster than I did back in college. Oh, the good old days. I can still have a nice little adult beverage, but let's limit it to two. Our wallets and our livers will be much happier.

Having pink hair doesn't make you more fun, but it definitely doesn't hurt. In October I decided it'd be fun and different to dye my hair this pretty rosy color. It's faded a little bit, but I've been loving it. It's helped me to not take my appearance so seriously and also make me feel a little bit like a unicorn, which is of course my true calling.

Adventures come in all shapes and sizes. L and I went on some fantastic adventures this month, and I couldn't be happier. I think I've succeeded in finally giving him the adventure bug! We've been going to farmer's markets, on scenic road trips, and it was HIM who suggested we go to Salem this weekend! We're in the process of making a list of all the day trips in driving distance we want to try and go to. He even coined the term "Adventure Sunday". I couldn't be more of a proud mama bear. But adventures do come in all shapes and sizes and a relaxing drive through farmland is just as magical as a long weekend trip to Savannah. The small magic of our October adventures reminded me of this.

Being sore all week is a feeling that I missed. For the past two weeks I've been hitting the gym HARD, the way that I used to. My body is tired, aching, and craving my bed when I clock off from my shift but I suck it up like the cry baby that I am, change into my "gym leggings" (not to be confused with my "work leggings") and get my work out in. And my body loves being sore. Now I just have to shit up the Vitamin Shoppe and get some BCAA's so that sore feeling doesn't turn into not being able to walk down stairs for four days straight.

November 1st is tomorrow and while I honestly cannot believe this year is flying by so quickly, I am so excited to begin the holiday season this year. Adios October, you were pretty great.