Everyone's Graduating & I Feel Old

So I shouldn't feel old because I'm only 23 years old.

And being a December babe, I'm very young for my graduating classes.

I didn't turn 21 until after winter break of my senior year of college. It was a huge pain in the ass.

But scrolling though Instagram (which... does anyone at all enjoy the new icon? *cricket sounds) or perusing my Snapchat stories is just completely inundating me with images of young & naive lil seniors with DIY caps & lil smiles on their faces that say "I'm acting happy but really I'm like WTF do I do now???"

I'm sure some of them aren't like this and have jobs post-college lined up.

But the vast majority, I'm also sure, don't.

I feel old. And it's very upsetting.

Because I'm watching a group of people graduate who were sophomores when I was a senior. The little kiddos who were freshmen when I was a senior are now seniors.

An entire generation of college students is almost complete !!!???

The group of Dance majors that I spent hours in sweaty rehearsals, rolling on the floor, and rubbing my body against for several years was very close. We all know each other very well.

Once the senior class of next year graduates in Spring 2017, there will be no one left there who knows my name.

WHAT. HOW.

Will I be remembered, for the impact I left on the Dance program?

Will the professors ever talk about me, fondly recalling a particular piece of choreography that I created in my time in the program, as eager freshmen jot down notes and inspiration?

It's a terrifying thing, to be phased out and forgotten.

We all strive to leave our mark.

Because if no one remembers us, then what was the point of being there???

To to make our own memories, and to grow as our own person. 

To build relationships that you can fall back on in shitty times.

To connect with professors and professionals who you can email four years down the road for a reference and ask how their kids are doing.

I'm sorry, I'm feeling scattered and nostalgic from all these graduation images and also because I woke up at 4 in the morning and went to sleep at 11:30 because GAME NIGHT GOT INTENSE.

I guess the point of this is, that yes, we will all be forgotten in places where we were incredibly important.

And we HAVE to accept that. The things which once defined us, will no longer define us.

It's up to you how you are defined.

I was once a broke college student with a full heart, majoring in Dance and Psychology, extremely naive, and drunk 2-3 days a week.

I am now a member services rep at a gym, a dance teacher, a Spin instructor, a little more jaded, still pretty terrible with money, and someone who recently discovered that tequila is the only alcohol that won't make me puke.

I will one day be a successful occupational therapist/Spinning instructor/fitness coach living in a beautiful but humble home with an immaculately stocked fridge, a perfect dog, a calendar full of social events, and a consistent habit of drinking mimosas for Sunday brunch.

It's all about perspective.

Because two years ago, the first option was all I cared about. Best option hands down.

Now, I'm dragging myself inch by inch to the third choice.

So yes, maybe I am old. College grads, beware.

Time flies, and this feeling is comin' for ya.

HAPPY MONDAY.

The Two Types of College Seniors (as told by a College Graduate/Survivor)

In case you haven't noticed, April is almost over and this is absolutely nuts to me. People are showing up to the gym in droves, as they realize with this warmer weather and May approaching that, "oh SHIT it's almost summer, gotta get my body lookin' right".

And almost summer means almost graduation. 

Which luckily, I (barely) survived two years ago. I thought I'd impart some knowledge on the two types of college seniors that definitely exist at every college. These two types seem to divide aggressively around graduation time.

Usually when it comes to college graduation, people fall into one of two categories. There are those people who are totally D-O-N-E with college and cannot wait to jet set off into the real world. They're ready to start their adult lives, get real jobs, move out, get an apartment and a cat, and settle down to work and roll in the cash until they retire. In my opinion, these people are freaks of nature. 

So clearly I was not one of these people. When one of my college friends looked at me in all seriousness a month or so before graduation and said to me, "I can't wait to get out of here and start my life" I probably recoiled from her as though she had some incredibly infectious flesh-eating disease.

I looked around, spread my arms wide, and wanted to scream, "BUT HOW IS THIS NOT THE PERFECT LIFE???" 

Freedom from your parents 24/7. Any food you could possibly want within walking distance. A gym that you don't have to pack a bag and drive to. All your friends either living with you, or down the road. 

What could get better? What could possibly get better? 

(In all honesty, I do not know the answer to this question. I graduated two years ago and still, nothing is better).

So you have those people who are just bizarre and maybe don't care about all those wonderful things. They'd rather have their cat, their personal space, their privacy, and their sober Thursday nights. 

Then there are people like me. People who lived in denial about graduation until a week after they had moved home for the summer for good. People who could barely take graduation pictures with friends and family because their eyes were so red and puffy. People who wanted to cling to the laughter and freedom and debauchery of college with their bare hands, holding on for dear life. People who openly sobbed through their entire graduation ceremony. People who did not clean out their dorm room (at all) until hours after they were handed their diploma, then somehow managed to live in their college town for two weeks after graduation because they just could not handle the thought of getting kicked out and tossed to the trash, like WHAT WE HAD WASN'T REAL. LIKE WHAT WE HAD DIDN'T MATTER. 

There is definitely a beauty in goodbyes and a sadness to holding onto things that aren't meant for you anymore. Logical Danielle knew this. Desperately Sad Graduating Danielle did not accept this.

Here's what I'm here to tell you, as a survivor of this strange and horrible and wonderful accomplishment called graduating college: You will be okay, and it's fine to feel however you're feeling. 

If you're in denial, depressed, anxious, or angry, it will pass.
If you're elated, exuberant, joyful or just plain done (and people are judging you/don't want to hang out with you/won't touch you with a 10 foot pole), it will pass. 

You will adjust and you'll find a new normal, new places, new friends, and new opportunities. No matter how long it takes, believe the bad will pass and the good will come. There is a beauty in moving on. And if you aren't a college senior yet, you better live it up every second of every day, because you don't know how good you got it 'til it's gone. 

*(If you are truly having a mentally difficult time with graduation, it's perfectly okay and normal to reach out to your school's counseling program. Even if it's just for the weeks leading up to graduation and you need someone professional to vent to and help sort out your wild and emotional thoughts. Trust me, I have been there, done that.)