Now I know what you're probably thinking. You're in one of two camps... or maybe you're in my tent too. You're either thinking "now now now, darling, you hate working full time because you just haven't found your calling yet. When you find a job you love, it won't feel like work at all"
or you're thinking "wow what a spoiled brat, we all have to work, who did you think you are??? I work four some odd full-time jobs and have five kids to feed and do you hear me complaining. You're probably one of those self-righteous, entitled millennials who think it's their God given right to blow their parents money TRAVELING THE WORLD, living in hostels, frolicking around, wearing feathers and fringe and tye dye. GROW UP".
I hear you. I hear you loudddddd and clear.
But please, allow me to explain myself. And give you a little background on my work history. Resume, here we go!
By the way, this is a photo of the heavenly breakfast Lucas made for me this morning. Halfways because this post needed a picture, and halfways because look how stunning that is! He is all about presentation I swear to you. Getting him hooked on Chopped was the best thing I ever did for our relationship.
So, once upon a time I was a wee young lass, a 16 year old who was too terrified to learn to drive and get her license, who was in 17 billion extracurriculars, an honors student, and totally stressed out and high strung. 16 year old Danielle didn't have "time for a job or a way to get to a job".
So 16 year old Danielle didn't have a job or her license and she was super school-brained but not in any way whatsoever real-life-brained.
In many ways, until I went to college, I was like the most sheltered person EVER.
I worked at my dance studio that I still teach for now, but that was beyond part time and pay was under the table. I didn't even babysit! Unless you count my little cousin who aunt Susie and my mother would only leave me alone with when they went into the house to refill lemonade jugs and left us floating in the backyard pool. In life jackets.
College came and woohoo, responsibility, I got a part time work study job as a math tutor!
(P.S. I hate math with a burning fiery passion but I am pretty wild at Stats so there's that)
Over the summers is where I gained my real responsibilities and credentials. I was a part-time receptionist for a law firm my dad works at. Big girl shoes, big girl pencil skirt, check and check! But alas, still part-time and still temporary. I learned how to answer the phone like the best of 'em though.
Oh and I also worked at Build A Bear Workshop as a "Bear Builder". That was my true job title, I shit you not. For about 7 months. So there's that.
Fast forward four years. GRADUATION. DENIAL. TEARS. CONFUSION. LOST AF.
So, you can see I was never prepared for this whole "full time job" nonsense. Post-graduation in the midst of flailing and depression and shear confusion and disbelief, I worked as a substitute teacher in public schools which was a solid and gigantic hot mess mistake.
Plus! I made my own hours so I would choose to only work 2 or 3 days of the week. Alas, part-time world, I live in you.
Then the gym happened. And now, don't get me wrong, as I will one day bring myself to explain in a long ass post, the gym is the best thing that ever happened for my mental health. Working here healed me. But! Because of my schedule of teaching dance classes and being in a dance company, I was only working here part-time!
UNTIL. Late November 2015. Where it all changed.
Previous to this, I was basically working full time hours, but various little jobs in addition to the gym. Babysitting, dance company, dance teaching, odd jobs, gym job. Lots to occupy my mind. Lots to break up the day.
Now.
I occupy this small space at the front desk of the gym every Monday through Friday from 5am to 1pm. Weekends off. 1 sick day per year or something unreal and atrocious like that.
And it's kind of garbage ???
I know I sound like a spoiled brat. But working full time isn't the issue that I have, tbh. It's working full time, DOING ONLY ONE THING.
My mom thinks I'm out of my damn mind for actually wanting 2-3 part time jobs. But hey, hello, it's what I was doing over the summer and I was positively thriving. I was babysitting 3 days of the week, teaching dance 2 days, rehearsing with my dance company 2 days, and working at the gym 3-4 days. Andddddd driving to Rhode Island for dance rehearsal once a week. And I was living the God damn dream, I swear to you!
Cuz that's what my body likes, needs, loves, craves.
Variety. Go go go, and go some more. Every day is a little different, a different flavor, lack of routine, spontaneous and free. Working one full time job, you are not free. The total opposite. You are STUCK.
And you know what? That's just how I feel. You could feel the total opposite. You could crave routine and structure. I thought that's what I wanted right now. That's why I took up these hours. Trial and error. If you never try, you never know.
My hours will be changing in June, when I start an Anatomy & Physiology that is a pre-req for grad school (that I'll hopefully be applying for in ~7 months!).
So here's to holding out onto this garbage until June, finding an exit strategy, and getting back to that "it's the freakin' weekend imma bouta have me some fun" mentality and freedom I so crave and desire.
Happy hump day my peoples.
No comments