REFLECTING ON 2015.

I think 2015 was my best year yet. 

Reflecting back on the year, I think that I honestly did accomplish everything that I wanted and needed to. I had a blog in 2014, that I essentially stopped using this year. I went back and found it. I got teary eyed standing at the front desk of my job. Because this is what I read: 

"i think that next year will be a year of healing. at least a long time of healing. i want to be kind to myself again. to know myself again. to laugh hard and not feel like crying afterwards. to let go of things with grace instead of trying to hold onto things that aren’t meant to be. i want to work hard to find the things that make me happy again and keep them the biggest part of my life. i want my friends to know how much i love and need them, and to let go of the friends who aren’t kind or positive. i want to work hard to start heading in a direction that i am proud of, not for anyone else, but for myself. to stop comparing my path to other people’s and accept that life might not always make sense. but that what’s important is to be kind, to be funny and to be honest. and to know that i am alive for a reason. that the world may not be a very kind place in general, but there are beautiful things and people. hope is a dangerous thing to have. but i need to believe that i am not meant to live an average life. that there are things meant for me that i haven’t even thought of yet, people i haven’t met who will love me, places i need to go. i need to believe this - that there is hope."

I have come so far from this person. And this is why I'm emotional at the front desk of my job right now. I don't recognize that person who wrote those words. I am stronger person than I was before I got lost; more sure of myself, more proud, more confident, more secure in who I am. I obviously don't have it all figured out yet. But 2015 surpassed all of my expectations and there is only one reason for that. It's because OF ME. It's because I blindly applied for the job that I love so much right now, I pulled myself kicking and screaming out of depression, little by little, and I healed. This time last year, I wouldn't have believed I could do it. This time last year, I was unemployed, depressed, and had to make goal lists every day of one or two things just to get things done. I wasn't eating healthy; I was barely eating. 

In 2015 I found happiness again.
I found a job I love and got promoted.
I made real, true friends who love me for who I am and care about me.
I fell in love with being healthy and working out.
I traveled to Costa Rica with one of my best friends.
I went to Atlanta to visit my aunt.
I flew to North Carolina to visit my extended family.
I went to Jason Aldean, Brad Paisely, Dave Matthews, and The Weeknd/Banks concerts.
I white water rafted.
I ziplined over a rainforest.
I was in a two well attended dance performances.

And this time last year, that all would have seemed impossible, or at least insignificant to me. I'm so proud of myself, because like I said, I did this all on my own. No one forced me to do anything. I forced myself. That's how I ended up here.

My resolutions for this year will hopefully just push me on the path towards more growth, happiness, and opportunity. They are:
1. Be in the best shape of my life. Eat clean and work out consistently.

2. Procrastinate less and prepare more.
3. Continue to travel and see the world.
4. Start serious work on long term goals (grad school for OT)
5. Get Spinning certified and start teaching classes.
6. Show my friends (near and far) and family more appreciation and acknowledgement; make them feel special on special days like birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc.
7. Save every bit of money to build savings accounts, buy a new used car, and pay off credit cards.

Cheers to a new year, a fresh start, and being even better than before.

#SagittariusProbz

Sagittarius are daydreamy intellectuals who love travel.  

I've always loved reading my horoscope and researching the traits that go along with my fiery December sign. But this one sentence pretty much sums up the whole problem with being a Sagittarius. We daydream about the travel that we are usually too intellectual to actually pursue. Because travel means money, travel means time off from work, and travel (in the way that someone who loves to travel would actually like to travel) means investing in a lifestyle that isn't average or normal. And sometimes we are just too smart for that risk.

daydreamy: Sitting at the front desk of my workplace for eight hours a day, I have a lot of freedom to roam the internet. I daydream about things I'm going to buy to make my life easier, clothes I'd love to see hanging in my closet on matching black felt hangers, re-doing my bedroom, getting away from it all. I think about all of these things, but rarely do I put them into action. This is one of my new year's resolutions. Be a little less dreamy and a little more do-y.

intellectuals: I have always been naturally gifted at learning and extremely inquisitive. I ask too many questions and generally don't have a problem bringing up touchy subjects. This especially bothers some people, namely my boyfriend. I really can't help it. I don't have a filter most times, I have an insatiable urge to figure things and most importantly, figure out a way to fix them. I am a researcher and a fixer.

who love to travel: Last year my favorite aunt got me a durable, beautiful, purple hard-case carry on. This year she gifted me a $100 Delta Air gift card. Although I haven't traveled as often as I'd like to have in 23 years since my parents were never avid travelers themselves, it's something desperately important to me. I've been to almost every state in New England (besides Vermont somehow!!!), both Carolinas, both Virginias, Florida, Atlanta, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Oregon, and Costa Rica. There are SO SO SO many more places I need to see. One of my most pinned boards on Pinterest is called "i'd like to see the world".

And hopefully, one day I will!