i took this video a few months ago. when the spring was turning new, when the ice had just thawed, when it was the first and only time all year that i had worn shorts & a tank top outside.
it feels fragile, tentative, like i was in the process of discovering what movement felt like again.
because i was.
over the course of a few years, i had unfortunately lost touch with my creative voice - and with that pulsing drive to move move move, to dance & create.
i don't know where it went. something that had been an integral part of my life felt like it had flickered away and died out. i had become consumed with the meaningless monotony of a steady full-time job, my free time was spent either teaching dance (an activity that i loved dearly ... until i began to realize that teaching dance was not at all equal to dancing / creating for MYSELF), being with my significant other, or the worst of all, with my nose buried in my phone, scrolling through social media for literally HOURS on end.
it's insane to think about how i spent my free time in middle school, even high school. EVEN IN COLLEGE. back before i didn't have a smartphone to consume my time & suck away all of my individuality via the ever dangerous comparison trap. or just the fear of being vulnerable / different from my friends and followers.
this video is a testing 1, 2, 3. it was the first time i had truly moved outside - after literally FOUR YEARS of site specific movement study in college - in ... i don't even want to think how long.
what does it feel like? is it perfect? no. is it aesthetically pleasing? not really. is it a START, a potential for greater & more expansive movement exploration? YES.
i think that's all that matters.
No comments