I'm not going to lie. This has not been the easiest month. I thought that I had adjusted so well to all of this wild newness, but that was just the glossy coating that I had painted for myself on top of the real picture. The real picture is a little messy, a little lonely, and a little confused about why I'm 24 years old and still don't know how to parallel park.
Despite that, this has been a month of immense learning. And not just how to take the city bus (although I did conquer that ALL BY MYSELF a couple of weeks ago). I'm learning so much about myself, what I need to thrive, and what I was lacking before I started getting my shit together.
I need to work on being alone. When I'm alone in the apartment I either do a yoga video, read twelve chapters, and cross nine things off my to-do list or... nothing. I scroll mindlessly for four hours and then get depressed that I don't have plans. I need to work on maximizing my time alone because I unfortunately can't coerce people to chill with me 24/7.
Daily routines work for me. Falling into a solid weekday routine has been, and still is, one of the things that's leaving me feeling like a lost puppy. I had such a set schedule living in Connecticut (get out of work at 1, workout for a bit, go home and walk the dog, make/eat dinner with parents, go to dance studio to teach classes, etc) and I failed to build a routine upon coming here. I'd get out of work and then just hang out in my apartment, waiting for something to happen. Recently I've gotten a gym membership at Planet Fitness and I plan on doing that most (if not all!) days after work, which has been a help so far.
I need to actively keep up with a planner/running to-do list. I dropped the $25 at Barnes & Noble last week and got myself a brand spankin' new bullet journal. UGH. My obsession with planners is so weird. But I feel like I'll actually stick with this one and seeing the yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily spreads is a) so pleasing to the eye, wow and b) unbelievably helpful to keeping track of very important stuff like BILLS and MEETINGS. Such adult things going on here.
Go out more, even if it's inconvenient. My coworkers are friendly now that they've felt me out. They invite me out to things. Last week two of them, who are in a band, had a show on a Thursday night and I normally would've given a hard "no, thanks!" but I made myself drive 50 minutes (getting lost no less than four times!) to meet them. Because it's worth it to make friends. Because sometimes making friends means stepping outside of your comfort zone. And I had fun!
In some ways, I feel like I'm growing up all over again. Finding myself, seeking out ways to be more independent, and stepping a toe (or a whole foot) outside of my comfort zone to find happiness in this new and scary place. Like ripping a bandaid off or getting a shot, sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's hard. But I know that if I push myself, there's a good chance it's going to be worth it.
Here's to being young and in a new city!
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