The Happiness List

What to expect at your Spinning certification!

Yesterday I went to Spinning certification class with two of my fellow coworkers!
Brief background on my Spinning experience:
I started Spinning in April 2016, so not long at all now, and before that, I was TERRIFIED to start. But the gym I work at started offering it, so I technically had to take it in order to know what I was talking about when I was recommending it to gym members.
And it was so much fun!
I mean, after getting over the initial feelings of probably-going-to-die, might-throw-up, and why-did-i-do-this-to-myself.
But honestly, it's one of the most gratifying feelings to finish an especially challenging Spin class, like a runner's high (which I've never actually experienced since I hate running).
So to expand our own knowledge, and start teaching these awesome classes ourselves, we decided to get Spinning certified!

We drove an hour and a half for our class in Newburgh, NY which was the furthest of anyone in the class! We are crazy! 

It was a long, exhausting rewarding day. Here is what to expect if you go to class to get Spinning certified: 

1. Bring like seven water bottles. No joke, I'm a fish so I probably needed more. It's such a long day and you'll be so dehydrated if you aren't constantly drinking water.
2. The first part of the day will be a lot of demonstrating bike set up and safety. A lot of people were pedaling on their bikes through this whole thing. OMG your butt will start hurting so badly. It doesn't make you look cooler to keep pedaling through this. Just sit on the damn ground.
3. Bring like a hundred snacks. Unless your MI (Master Instructor) is super strict, there will be plentyyyy of opportunities to eat snacks. Fuel that body, it needs those calories so much today.
4. Your first ride is demonstrating all the different movements in a Spin class and it's probably not going to be to music and it's probably not going to be fun. It's purely informational. But you will sweat soooo much during it.
5. BRING EXTRA CHANGES OF CLOTHES. After your first ride, you'll have a lunch break, a LONG lecture, and then another ride. You'll want an outfit for your first ride, one to change into after that, and then one to change into on your ride home from the class itself. I cannot stress this enough unless you love sitting in a puddle of your own sweat.
6. Try not to fall asleep during the lecture portion. Your body is going to start going into sleep mode after that effort during the first ride and after your lunch break. SIESTA MODE. I could barely keep my eyes open. I don't have any advice to help with this besides just to be aware this is when you gotta try to keep your eyes pried open.
7. During the lecture portion, you will learn SO MUCH. Don't try to take notes on everything, just things your instructor says that resonate with you about making a profile or music choices or transitions. There's time to read the whole manual cover to cover when you get home (or before the class if you're that extra).
8. You will think with every fiber of your being that there's no way you can do a second ride at the end of the day, but you somehow will anyways. It will be painful, euphoric, and exhilarating when it's finally over. You'll be so damn proud of yourself! I had the WORST stomach cramps during my last ride, and had to keep repeating this mantra to myself, "Pain is temporary, greatness is forever". Dramatic, I know, but it worked. 

Before: 

 After: 

After an eight hour day, we still had a two hour drive home, during which I quickly popped two Advil. I was so exhausted I honestly felt like my body was shutting down. It was one of the most tiring experiences OF MY LIFE. It'll hopefully be so worth it though, to share Spinning and the rewarding experience it carries with all my future Spin students! 

THE FRIDAY FIVE

WATCHING: Every episode of Worst Chef's in America I can find either on Netflix or On Demand, and this season of the The Biggest Loser, which I didn't realize ALREADY STARTED. My boyfriend has never even heard of this show so I'm trying to make him as obsessed with it as I am.

READING: Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty. This is such a good book, oh my god. It's the kind of book you want to read on your beach vacation by the pool with a little beach umbrella in your alcoholic beverage. It's a fast-paced mystery that feels light and fluffy. I love it.

EATING: like shit. This has been a terrible eating week for me. I'll eat healthy and then decide to gorge myself with leftover Valentine's Day candy and cupcakes. I think it's been especially hard this week since we're dog sitting for L's parents while they're in FL and his mom is like America's next great baker so there's so many delicious sugary things in their house. My house has a shit ton of packaged food but none of it tastes especially great so it's easy to say no to.

ANTICIPATING: Spinning certification is on Sunday! It's in Newburgh, NY (wherever that is) and I'm carpooling with two of my coworkers even though we haven't pulled straws to see who yet. I mean, obviously not me since my car would probably get us broken down in the middle of the highway. But, I'm so excited although worried that I'm going to be so tired on Sunday to begin my busy week the next day! Ah!

LOVING: when L cooks for me (pictured above). My Sugar Rose Fresh lip treatment. My new hair. How early the sun rises now compared to last month. Minimal makeup and long eyelashes. A weekend ready to be filled with fun plans.

Why am I still lonely?

I don't know why but I've struggled with loneliness my whole life. I was a VERY angsty child and teenager. I would sulk in my room and write poetry. I felt like no one really ever understood me and I would write about this. Since that time, I've become a much happier, positive person. But there's still a pervasive part of me that continues to believe that on some level, there is no one who will really understand me fully.

I feel like of all people, I give myself over 100% to whoever I'm in a relationship with. So my boyfriend is that person right now. I am a stripped down version of myself. I'm messy and flawed and uncensored. Sometimes that causes us to get in fights because he's just as (if not more) messy, raw, and uncensored. But he gets me, at least I'd like to think he gets me.

Somehow I still get lonely.

I think it's because when I'm single, I force myself to be content with just myself. I convince myself, very firmly, that my company is plenty enough and fill my free time and blank spaces with bright and vivid content. This was what colored my spring and summer. Holding my own hand, buying concert tickets, taking shots, traveling to Costa Rica, singing karaoke with my friends on a stage, making myself healthy smoothies. All of this was great and I'm so glad that I pushed myself to do these things. But a part of me always felt like I just did them to have something to do. To fill the spaces.

Now that I have my wonderful boyfriend, I don't have as many spaces to fill. But when I do, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. When he's in class at night, when he's hanging out with his own friends, I just lay around, unsure of what to do next. It's like he's the catalyst for everything I do, both with him and without him. It's great that I love him, but it's not great that I don't know what to do when we're not together. I never thought I'd be a codependent member of our relationship.

So how do I fix this?

I need to learn to love my time alone again or I'll continue to feel this loneliness whenever we're not together. It's silly because I know he loves me when we're apart. I need to reconnect with my friends outside of our relationship, and reconnect with things I've loved to do by myself like go to yoga class, Spinning class, and dance again. I haven't danced for myself in so long I can't even remember. Lucas, if you're reading this, know that I love you more than anything. But part of loving you is loving myself when I'm not with you. And I think I have to get that back.

Becoming blonde(r)

For the past three days I haven't washed my hair and it hasn't seen a style other than a bun with a THICK headband to cover my over an inch long roots.

Above is me rocking that thick ass headband in the bathroom at work. 

Yesterday was the day to fix that hot mess.

A mess. A big hot mess. So I went in there having searched on Pinterest for a few hours the night before. And when I usually get my hair highlighted I want to be a golden goddess. Like goldilocks fo days. But I read somewhere that cooler skin tones (like me with my constantly pink face) look better with more of an ashy blonde tone. Ashy sounds scary and weird to me but I asked for it anyways. I showed the girl this picture that I found on Pinterest and some other random ones as I mumbled about what I thought I wanted. Ultimately I always tell my hair girl that I don't know what I'm talking about and just to make me pretty. 

I'm not sure how I feel about the on purpose darker roots, I may do that next time. Anyways, hair girl warned me that although ashy hair is really pretty, if she just plopped a bunch of ash on my head it may look like my hair is gray and I might freak out. NO THANKS. She's a genius, so I think she did a mix of ash, beige, and golden or something like that to ease me into it. 

The process begins. Look at those nasty roots and that somehow satisfyingly straight hair part.

The whole thing altogether took about two hours which isn't bad at all considering she also gave me a trim and a blow out. I love my hair girl, she asked me for relationship advice and she's like six years older than me. Lolz to the idea that I might have any expertise about that.

Time went by, I scrolled through my phone, and then....

MAGIC.

Transformed into the blonde goddess I'm meant to be. I think this is the most blonde I've ever been. I'm not mad about it, I just hope I can condition it enough so that it doesn't fall out in chunks. 

It's worth the money, to me, to have a professional do something for me where I can relax and know that it's going to make me feel so good about myself and reinvigorated. :)