It's a beautiful and chilly fall Sunday after yesterday's downpour. I seriously did not step foot out of my parents house yesterday. All of us were exhausted from staying up late on Friday night; me because I went to a Halloween party at my friend's house, and my parents because they were up until 3 in the morning watching the Red Sox game which went to 18 innings!
So yesterday, we had the laziest of days. Watching lots of college football with my dad, catching my mom up on the The Voice, and having a movie night with both of my parents watching "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown". So you think I act like a toddler when I'm home visiting my parents? You're not wrong!
This is Sunday coffee date: Confessions Edition. Because I just feel like being honest about where I'm at and getting some things off my chest. That life is fine, but it's also been really challenging lately. And here are some reasons why:
I haven't been working out as often as I should. I'm always really hard on myself about keeping a workout schedule, and starting my new job tutoring last week had my whole schedule messed up. Now I know that I'm tutoring Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I need to commit myself to hit my fav workout classes Monday, Wednesday, & Saturday morning at the very least. I can immediately tell when my body is pissed at me for not moving it and getting those endorphins, so I am really feeling this lapse in working out in my physical and mental health!
My new job makes it essential for me to have a tidy email inbox. This is such a small thing, but my inbox is a disaster! I have so many emails from random companies that I need to unsubscribe from. It makes me feel so disorganized when I have an email from one of my new supervisors and I need to scroll endlessly through emails that I've never opened and never will open. I have 5,000 that I need to delete and I know other people are much worse, but boy do I need to dedicate some time to this!
Feelings of self-worth are low at the moment. I know this has a lot to do with my seasonal affective disorder. But lately I have been telling myself some very negative thoughts about how nobody will ever love me, and I need to cut that shit out! I always read self-help type pish posh about how you should never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend. This is IMPORTANT to remember when I get in a negative thought spiral.
Procrastination is a symptom of anxiety. I have been procrastinating emailing my professors and asking them for recommendation letters because I am soooooo anxious about everything that has to do with grad school in general. Again, running through the list of self-doubt in my mind: Is this finally the right program?? Will I regret applying again?? What if I end up hating school counseling?? But one of my co-workers who just graduated with her degree in school counseling last year, put it into perspective for me. You just NEED TO DO IT! Get it over with. Bite the bullet. Once you have the degree, congrats, you have your Masters and you're 100% marketable then you are right now. That's what she said to me during happy hour as I chugged a spiked cider while sweating profusely as I thought about applying to grad school. But she's right, and time is running out, and I need to do it.
Happy Sunday, anyone reading this. I hope you're feeling refreshed, relaxed, and ready to take on the week!
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