It's a comparison trap that we live in, with social media making everyone's lives seem so much better than they actually are. And it makes everyone... EVERYONE feel inadequate. I think. Even the people whose Instagram lives look so great. They're probably thinking to themselves, "wow, my whole feed is a curated lie.. but THIS PERSON, this person's IG life looks great so they definitely have it together. wow, gotta take a few more staged pictures now".
I think this is why I like Snapchat so much more than Instagram. I think I just needed to write this post as a reminder to myself that the worst things about myself don't define me in any way. They're things I live with, cope with, and deal with... but they do not make up the awesome, friendly, outgoing, introspective, unique person that is Danielle.
I'm not defined by... my debt. I go through spurts of time when my debt feels like the heaviest boulder that I'm trying to squeeze out from under. I have a ton of student loan debt, credit card debt, and car loan debt (which will thankfully go away when I sell my car back cuz I won't need that in Boston!). And I'm welcoming even more debt into my life in my pursuit of my Master's degree! But, deep breath Danielle. Debt does not define you. It's something you live with, not something you're living for. Life needs to go on and there's a way to be responsible about paying off your debt without letting it control your life. Life is short.
I'm not defined by... my education level. Many many of my friends have gone back to grad school before me. My younger friends are finishing up grad school right now, if they went right after undergrad. What have I been doing? Sometimes I look back at the past three years and wonder what I have to show for myself. But I have to remind myself that everyone's journey happens that way for a reason. I needed this time to grow and truly FIGURE OUT why I even wanted to go back to school, and what for. If I had gone back any sooner, I'd be in the wrong state of mind, in the wrong grad program. I gotta believe that.
I'm not defined by... the number of stamps in my passport. Friends who studied abroad, whose parents brought them on countless trips, who can afford to vacation in the Keys on a random week in November - hey, I'm jealous of you. And sometimes it feels like a competition when it comes to people my age and how much we've traveled. We all want the bragging rights that we've experienced so much, tasted other cultures, and really have *seen the world*. But it isn't a contest. Travel is deeply personal and individual. I'll get to the places I want to go, but until then, where I've been doesn't define my value.
I'm not defined by... my failed relationships. Maybe the hardest one for me to accept, because so much of who I am now unfortunately stems from who I became in my previous relationship, and who I turned into afterwards. The most depressed and sad I've ever been in my entire life... and then a few months later, a wild party animal just trying to forget her sadness. But everything I did up until that point was to distract myself from missing this person so much. Life has to go on and it has to go on because I want to create my life however I choose, without anyone else's influence.
No comments