The seasons give me crazy nostalgia. A lot of it revolves around college. I feel like my senses were 100 times more vivid when I was living in my charming (which translates to completely messy and disorganized) apartment in Bristol, RI. Sleepless nights, hungover mornings, hazy days packed with so much activity, faces, and places. Mostly I'm hit with waves of nostalgia for falling in love for the first time. I hate talking about this, and I hate writing about it even more. My first love was the biggest heart break I'll ever experience in my life. I truly believe this. I started falling in love in February. I was completely and totally wrapped up in a love that I believed would last forever by the time May rolled around.
So whenever a weather pattern hits that feels like spring is in the air, I get this mix of happiness (since I'm totally a warm weather person) oddly accompanied by a funny feeling in my stomach.
Earlier this week I surprised myself by doing a full body circuit workout with a trainer, taking Shermany-wormy (my old beagle dog whose name is actually just Sherman) for a walk, going for a 2 mile power walk, teaching a Spin class, and teaching an advanced modern dance class - all in one day.
There's that crazy productivity! Is there anything more beautiful than wearing a tank top and crop leggings in the middle of October? All while working up a sweat surrounded by the brightest colors of yellow, orange, and red? I really don't think so!
I did a lot of talking yesterday. I had a session with my therapist, who will always remind me of my grandma. Then I had an impromptu lunch date with Shawn and Melissa. I kept bringing up the same points. Over and over again.
How much I hate my stagnant, monotonous schedule.
My need to go somewhere, anywhere, asap.
How spending money on stupid shit is the reason I don't have any money to make - what Shawn and I dramatically label - "memories that will last a lifetime".
How spending money on stupid shit is the reason I don't have any money to make - what Shawn and I dramatically label - "memories that will last a lifetime".
Shawn is one of my best friends. We just get each other most of the time and we can be so sarcastic and quick-witted and poke the most fun at each other. Like, yes, we did totally want to kill each other a little bit when we were in Costa Rica. But once we got started talking about Costa Rica while we walked the track, we couldn't stop. We STILL can't believe that we navigated traveling to a foreign, Spanish-speaking country together. Travel bloggers, you're cool and all, but this was single handedly the coolest thing I've ever done.
We had no travel agent, we had no big fun Groupon.
It was just us, my friend who was staying there on a work visa, and a hostel with a full size mattress on the floor.
So now our question that we contemplated as we walked was, where the hell do we want to go next? Costa Rica was in April 2015. So it'll be two years this April and we are seriously thinking we need to have a Grand Canyon Adventure. I've been saying this for literally years, but can never find anyone to help me put the plans into action. Shawn might be that person. I feel like going to the Grand Canyon and all those beautiful national parks is a weird rite of passage for millenials my age.
I'll be honest. It is brutally hard to be enamored with the idea of traveling all over and meanwhile be in a relationship with someone who suffers from pretty serious anxiety. Lucas doesn't have the same priorities I do when it comes to saving money for travel, so I've recently had to explain to him that this might mean he has to accept the idea that I may have to go solo, or with other friends. Baby steps, baby steps. I've gone to Boston and Rhode Island without him, and he was okay with the idea of me going to North Carolina for a few days to visit a friend there. Baby steps. Our relationship may have it's serious ups and downs but it hurts me a lot to see him grappling with anxiety that somethin bad will happen to me. But it's my life first and foremost. So we'll see.
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