I am a product of my environment. Shaped from the actions and reactions of others, the way I was raised, the kind of situations I was brought into by adults I loved and trusted.
Do you know any non-confrontational people who are also the most passive aggressive people you've ever met? That's me. Hi, nice to meet you, and if you forget to wash your dishes I prooobably won't make eye contact with you for several days.
What does it mean to be passive aggressive?
Urban dictionary (my favorite dictionary & the most accurate dictonary, imho) describes passive aggressiveness as:
"a defense mechanism that allows people who aren't comfortable being openly aggressive to get what they want under the guise of still wanting to please others. They want their way, but they also want everyone to still like them."
AND
"act of doing something specifically to piss someone off, but with the cover of 'I didn't realize it would bother you.'"
(source)
BOTH ARE SO TRUE.
Yes, I hate confrontation more than anyone I know. I'm only comfortable yelling at my family and my boyfriend (*they see my true colors*). But yes, I will also say and do things to piss off people who have wronged me, in a way that is both subtle and extremely irritating.
For example, these are the favorite words of a passive aggressive person (spoken in a monotone while avoiding eye contact, or texted using lots of capital letters and periods):
"It's fine."
"I guess."
"Ok."
"I appreciate it."
"We can do whatever you want to do."
"I don't care."
"It's absolutely not fine and I'm really annoyed."
"I'm trying to get you to change your mind because I think that whatever you're saying is stupid."
"Not okay. But you don't realize it because you have the thickest skull recorded in human history."
"Whatever apology you're trying to give me is half-assed and unacceptable."
"The absolute last thing I want to do is whatever you want to do."
"I do care and you should know that, you dim witted slimeball."
This is the thing about passive aggressive people. We don't like to fight. We don't like to yell. We just want to be understood.
And we have really high expectations of people.
You know how the worst feeling in the whole world as a kid when you snuck out of the house to go to the movies with your boyfriend, then got pulled out of the theater by your hair by your irate mother because HELLO, parents aren't stupid and they figure this sh*t out, wasn't the shrieking and uncontrolled anger of your mother, but the cold and crushing disappointment of your father?
(I love run-on sentences.)
No?
Just me?
Awkward.
Well, maybe feeling that disappointment from our parents teaches us that it isn't loud anger that makes people feel like sh*t for the things they've done wrong, but the silence. When someone wrongs me by taking my laundry out of the washer and leaving it to get moldy and musty in the basement, I don't want them to know why I hate them. I just want them to feel that fiery hate, and wonder what they did wrong. Until they realize it and feel really badly about it. LIGHTBULB MOMENT.
Does this make me sounds like a psychopath? Absolutely. But c'mon, we've all been there.
To be fair, I'm a generally laid back person. I don't get angry about stupid things. I really just have several basic needs: food, sleep, and respect. BAM, THAT'S IT.
When you mess with one of those things, it ain't gonna be pretty.
Because YES, I am passive aggressive and I'll sing it loud and proud. I want respect, but I'm too non-confrontational to demand it. I want change, but I'm too spiteful to ask for it.
I have high expectations of people and when I am disappointed in them, I want them to figure out why for themselves.
Are you passive aggressive or confrontational? Do you think I'm a sociopath based on this post? I promise I'm not. We can definitely be friends. As long as you wash your dirty dishes. Lolz.
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